DIARY

Why I Had A Post-Baby Breast Augmentation (A Video Diary)

I expected my breasts to change after breastfeeding two children, but I didn’t expect them to change quite as much as they did. Going from a C to a G to a god-knows-what-I-was-when-my-milk-came-in and back down to a B twice in three years apparently does a bit of a number on you, and when everything finally “settled,” as it were, it settled down (…ha?).

But it wasn’t “what I looked like” that was the problem, exactly – it was how I felt. I mean it when I say that I’m more or less happy with my body – sometimes I love it, sometimes I wish some things about it looked a little different, just like anyone. It hasn’t always been this way – I’ve written here and there about the anorexia I suffered from when I was in my early twenties (and will write about it more one day, when I can) – and trust me: after that experience I’m well aware of what it feels like to hate your body.

I don’t hate my body. I don’t hate my breasts, either. But after having two children, and having them go through such dramatic changes, they ended up virtually unrecognizable to me; they barely even felt like mine. I had no sense of them as a part of my body, and certainly didn’t connect them to my sense of sexual identity.

I was pretty sure that I wanted to get a lift one day, but kept putting off exploring the process in any concrete way – mostly because of the guilt. I can talk all I want on this site about the importance of caring for yourself even – especially – after having children, but it’s hard. And it’s harder still when you’re doing something that a big part of you worries is silly. I’m hardly a swimsuit model; what am I doing worrying about my breasts?

These past few months I’ve started exercising, and I’ve started eating better. I’m excited about the idea of feeling healthy, and strong, and I’m also excited about the idea of feeling confident. I’m proud that my body grew and nurtured my children, but I also want it to feel like my own. And the more I’ve thought about this, the more I’ve realized that this is an okay thing to want.

{ My Video Diary }

So Kendrick and I talked about it, and I decided to do it. I chose Dr. Craig Creasman, in Los Gatos, based on a recommendation from a friend, and learned in my consultation that because of my specific anatomy I needed both a lift and a very small implant in order to restore the loss of volume that I experienced from breastfeeding.

And then I decided to write about it. Which I’m (obviously) nervous about – because this is one of those choices that people have pretty intense (and sometimes very negative) feelings about, but honestly? Right from the start, I knew I would. First, because it’s important to be open about my journey, whatever that entails, and this was a big decision for me. Even more importantly, though, the reason I decided to write about it is this: I cannot tell you how many women I’ve had whispered conversations with about how they feel about their post-baby breasts, about how they’re lower or smaller or looser-skinned, about how they don’t want to have sex with their shirts off anymore.

I suppose I just wish this didn’t have to be something women feel like they need to talk about in whispers. Caring about a part of your body that directly ties into your sense of sexuality isn’t something anyone should feel ashamed of. And I’d like to make clear: the point here is self-love. Breast augmentation is obviously a big decision, but if it’s something a woman wants to do – or just wants to ask questions about – it seems to me that it shouldn’t involve feelings of shame and guilt and embarrassment.

I’m not recommending plastic surgery. What I do feel strongly about, however, is my belief that the more open we are about these conversations, the better for all involved. We gave our bodies to our babies – and that is a beautiful thing – but they’re still ours. And whether we choose to experiment with tattoos or jars of wrinkle cream or pretty dresses or even a surgical procedure that makes us feel better and more confident and more connected to ourselves…these bodies of ours are for us to do with as we will.

  • Staci

    Yes yes yes. Thank you. Thank you.

  • Tess

    My Mom’s cup size went from A to -A by the time she had finished breastfeeding my two siblings and me. My sister has the exact same figure as our Mom and has always said that if the same thing happens to her (should she ever have kids), she’ll get a breast augmentation. I’m in the middle of breastfeeding my first and am already struggling with my breasts kinda not feeling like mine and definitely not feeling sexual in any way. So basically, I totally get why you took this step and I say good for you! ❤

  • Melodie

    Jordan, once again you are amazing. Thanks for sharing your story! I got my breasts augmented 3 years ago going from a tiny AA cup to a Full B/Small C cup. and it changed my life! I feel so much more confident now and sexy and WOMANLY. I felt a little vain when I first considered it but now I don’t regret it. One of the best things I ever did. Im so happy for you.

  • Olivia

    Wonderful post – women should feel strong however they can! I’m so looking forward to having my body (and belly) back again…

  • MeganS

    Thank you so much for writing this. I haven’t had kids yet but very much want to and one thing that I’ve always (yes, vainly) worried about is not feeling like my body is mine anymore. I like how I look and want to be able to get my boobs back afterward if I decide that’s what I want. So I’ve always kind of had this in the back of my mind, and it’s just refreshing to hear you talk about it. I don’t know exactly how I’ll feel when I get there but I suspect very similar to this, and you’ve given a great model for how to do what feels good to you. Kudos. (PS I’ve read in several places that breastfeeding isn’t actually what causes your boobs to droop after kids — that it would happen even if you didn’t breastfeed. Just want to make sure women don’t think that not breastfeeding is a way to avoid, because it doesn’t sound like it is for most, and there are enough benefits to breastfeeding that it’s probably worth a little droopiness whether you fix it later or not 🙂 xoxoxx

    • jordanreid

      you are totally right – it’s not (only) breastfeeding that does it, it’s the fact that pregnancy makes your breasts go through such dramatic size changes in such a short period of time. my understanding is that breastfeeding does sometimes increase the amount of volume loss, but i CERTAINLY don’t want to give any new mothers the idea that they should avoid breastfeeding in hopes that their breasts won’t droop – the advantages of breastfeeding massively outweigh any fears about changes to the breasts.

    • Valerie Moore

      I gave birth to a child and did not breastfeed (had a baby at 17 and gave her up for adoption), and while I can’t say if or how my breasts might be different if I had breastfed, I can tell you they changed. A lot. It definitely isn’t solely breastfeeding – though I can see how that would contribute to more of a change, if for no other reason than the length of time they stay gigantic. My experience was this: within six hours of giving birth, my boobs inflated to watermelon-size. I didn’t want to pump because I wanted them to stop producing, so I just dealt with the discomfort for a few days. And that was all it was. Within a week they had deflated to roughly their same size; however, they were definitely. . . droopier. It’s exactly what you’d expect when they’re stretched to that degree and then deflated.

      I’ve thought for years about getting a lift and am finally in a financial position to do it, if I choose. So this post is perfectly-timed, and I’m so glad to have been able to hear about the decision-making process, and the experience itself, from someone who is smart and introspective. So, thanks, Jordan!

      There’s one thing I’m particularly curious about, and I will totally understand if you don’t want to discuss this publicly

      • jordanreid

        re: the incision – it’s my understanding that it’s a different scar with a lift and an implant – for an implant, i think it’s typically under the breast (an “anchor scar”), for a lift there’s an incision around the areola and then another down the center of the breast (it’s called, very evocatively, a “lollipop scar” – and if you get both a lift and an implant you may end up with both scars.

        dr. creasman did talk to me about this in great detail, and i ended up with less scarring than i had anticipated because he made a big effort to only leave me with the lollipop, not the lollipop and anchor. and apparently there are prescription products that minimize scarring significantly, but they’re expensive – and honestly, scarring isn’t a major concern of mine just because i don’t mind scars generally, and also because i tend to scar pretty lightly because of my complexion, so i decided to just let them heal on their own.

        and yeah, the pasted-on-areolas thing (which is a kinder way to put it than what i’ve been saying about the look, which is “frankenboobs”) is…ahhh….kind of true (not extreme, but if you look closely, that’s definitely the effect). but i’m also only two weeks out, and it’s already looking better, so i think the final effect will be pretty natural.

  • MR

    This is very brave and I admire your strength and honesty regarding these delicate issues! I re-read the link you posted about the body acceptance question, and got me thinking: do you think you would have done this if you were still living in NY? It seems like LA and California in general put so much pressure in having the perfect appearance (you said so in the body acceptance post). So maybe (maybe) you would have hold off on doing the procedure if you were living in NY?

    I completely understand the need to do something for yourself, and finding anything that make you feel beautiful and confident (we all do!! I think about what it is for myself all the time). Everyone is different, and if this is something that gives you peace and increases your self-esteem and overall content in life, then good for you!!

    • jordanreid

      that’s an interesting question! but no, i don’t think having stayed in new york would have inspired a different decision – this is something i’ve been contemplating since way before our move. and thank you 🙂

  • ab

    Good. For. You. I had a reduction a few years back, and during that they gave me the option of having them be “PERFECT” (paid out of pocket, so this was not covered by insurance) or leaving certain things in place (won’t get into details!) that would not have allowed me to breastfeed if and when I have kids. I went with “perfect”, and don’t regret it one bit. When it comes up in conversation (I don’t have kids yet, neither do most of my friends) people are horrified I made that choice. It’s my body. And, post baby, I am confident I will do what you did. You absolutely should not feel ashamed or embarrassed (easier said than done, I know!). Sadly, women can be the most judgemental of one another instead of supportive! Your body is yours, babies, no babies, whatever!! Congrats on making a decision and doing what makes you feel good!

  • Annie

    I’m not sure if I can read your blog anymore. I debated even commenting as you’ve already had the procedure and I don’t want my comment to come as an attack, but I feel that you dismiss the amount of privilege you have in many of your “I’m speaking out about what other Mothers are afraid to” posts. All day childcare, expensive breast augmentation … most women don’t have the option to make these decisions. And should they? I get that we should support Mothers’ choices, although I would debate that post-baby breast adjustments is not something that should become the norm. And the irony is you are selling a “Mom Bod” sweatshirt that is obviously meant to celebrate our natural bodies post-child, the imperfections and changes. I’m not sure where I am going with this, but I just needed to get this irritation off my chest.

    • exciteandenliven

      I feel so dismayed by this as well. Get a boob job, don’t. Get botox, don’t. I really don’t care. But don’t be disingenuous and act like a crusader for “Real Moms” with “Mom Bods” every chance you get. Jordan appropriating this cause as her own is ridiculous as it is so clearly not her cross to bear. Jordan, please don’t represent yourself as a poster child for working mothers. You neither work full time nor suffer the consequences that motherhood afflicts on others. Please just become a full time beauty blogger and leave the insightfulness to others who are more adept at it.

      • +1. :/

      • Laura Hunter Drago

        Just jumping in to say that I think Jordan’s outlook on this blog has always been “do what is right for you” and that the “mom bod” she is promoting is the body that the mother in question chooses and feels good about. I think this post absolutely supports that mindset. I would also say that she is absolutely a “working mother”… this is a very successful blog, that’s not something that comes without a lot of work. As far as her having the money to choose this procedure? That’s her own business. I think, as the comments above reflect, her coming forward and opening up these discussions is very brave and welcomed by many other women. She certainly didn’t have to write this post, and good on her that she did. Women need to feel like they can talk about these things, and not feel shamed by the choices that make them feel better about themselves, whatever those choices may be. (Ps. Jordan you look beautiful and also very happy. Yay!)

        • Annie

          I understand your argument, but have to disagree regarding the Glam Camp merchandise, the copy on the Mom Bod shirt contradicts this viewpoint. I know it’s humorous, but it reads “Embrace your muffin top, and then go eat some muffins…All hail the mom bod! You made a human, and you are the best.” It’s all about the natural changes (and occasional disappointments) that are the post-baby body and to contradict that motto on her own blog is more than a little disheartening as a potential consumer.

        • I agree with you Laura… blogging can be VERY time consuming and I really dislike the idea that Jordan and other full-time bloggers aren’t “working”… as for the people who have a distaste for the augmentation and the “Mom Bod” combo, apparently have a narrow view of what a “Mom Bod” should be… the whole idea of the Mom Bod (to me) is that we friggin’ shoved tiny humans out of our body, we should be damn proud of ourselves no matter what we look like or want to do to make ourselves feel even better!

        • jesshlzr

          I agree, Laura. So many haters! We shouldn’t hate on women because they aren’t working “as much as I am” and consider her LESS of a working mom…Either way, being away from your kids for any length of time so you bring in some money means you’re working. And if you push a child out of your vagina or even spend the endless hours raising a child, you can celebrate your mom bod, because lord knows, it gets altered forever either from pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, lack of sleep, lack of energy, you name it. Get over yourself exciteandenliven!

      • I don’t think it’s disingenuous. I think that as a woman, you have a lot of roles. Mom, Wife, etc and it’s about making them all work and still being true to yourself to a certain extent. This is a difficult task. As I get older, I know my body will change. Despite all of that, I still work out 7 days a week and try to look the best that I can. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t accepted the fact that I am getting older. It just means I want to look my best. You can have that acceptance and still continually strive to look your best. It’s not one of the other. Also, I don’t view this post as insightful and much as her perspective which we are all entitled to.

    • Not impressed

      So agree with this. It seems so disingenuous–and also so pandering to readers and potential clients and also glamcamp customers-to be all “mom bod” one day (to sell your sweatshirts) and then “boob job” the next. No one begrudges a boob job, but you just come off as so dishonest. It’s not feminist to promote mom bods when you’re trying to sell overpriced sweatshirts to women and then use that $$ to make appointments for your boob jobs. And then you try to roll it all into, I’m a feminist, to protect yourself from comments like mine, or the other ones here. No ones disputing feminism, etc– it’s just the way you are constantly speaking out of both sides of your mouth (in efforts to profit off of women and moms) is dishonest and a total bummer.

      • jordanreid

        I completely understand your position, and expected – even, in some ways, hoped – to have this conversation be a part of this post. I am proud of my body. I am proud that it grew my children, proud that it fed them, and proud that they see it as a safe space, something they can cling to when they feel anxious or scared. And this pride, to me, is distinct from my feelings about how any one part of my body looks.

        I wasn’t especially happy with how my breasts looked after having two children, and I like them better now; they make me feel good, and confident, and relaxed in my own skin. If we’re talking just about the physical, the reality is that there are things about my body that I love, and things about it that I sort of wish were different but have made my peace with, just like anyone. My feelings about my body are complex, and distinctive to me and my experience as a woman and as a mother. But the pride I take in it is simple, and has absolutely nothing to do with a scar on my nipple or extra fat around my waist or a bit of loose skin.

        The celebration of the “mom bod” is not, to me, a celebration of any one “type” of mom bod – it’s a celebration of the fact that our bodies can do the remarkable, extraordinary, miraculous thing that is grow a human being. Tall, short, athletic, curvy, stretch marks, liposuction, tattoos, piercings, implants, tanned, pale, big, small, whatever – a mother’s body is a miracle because what it has DONE. And that is what – to me – our sweatshirt is meant to honor. It’s not about what you look like, and certainly not about something as small as a piece of flesh that’s big or smal or scarred or smooth or covered in freaking polka-dots – it’s about what you can do.

      • jesshlzr

        Lol. I don’t know a single mom who is like, “hell yeah, I have a mom body, it’s what I ALWAYS wanted!” We try to be happy with our bodies and I’m ok with most of my body changes because that’s what happens when you grow, birth and nourish a baby! And that’s wonderful! However, I’m saving up for my boob job already! Why? Cause…who cares? It’s my body, and it’ll still be a mom-bod after a boob surgery. My vagina will still never be the same. My bladder will never be the same (even if I get a bladder sling so I don’t pee myself some day). My stretch marked thighs will never be the same. Does that make me less of a mom-bod proponent? Can I not wear the mom bod shirt because I’ve altered myself? What about the nose job I had in my early 20’s, pre-baby? Is that ok because it was pre-baby? I am team mom-bod, and team boob job. Rock on Jordan Reid.

    • Vic

      Ehhh. I don’t know about this. I agree that Jordan should definitely acknowledge her privilege and how that affects her motherhood experience in more thoughtful detail. But at the same time, you can only write what you know, and what your experiences are. This is a blog about her experiences as a mother, and she happens to be a mother with a certain amount of privilege. She can’t change that, and is allowed to write about whatever she wants from her perspective.

      I feel like your beef is with the blogging world in general, because honestly most popular bloggers, especially “mommy blogger” types, are fairly privileged white women. At least Jordan talks to some extent about the things that her privilege has afforded her (childcare, self-care, etc). That’s more than you get with plenty of other bloggers with beautifully curated lives and families, and no inkling of how those lives actually work behind the scenes.

      Re the mom bod sweaters, I sort of agree that it feels like a weird disconnect. But I also wonder if loving your body, especially after something like childbirth and breastfeeding, and still wanting to change it for personal comfort and vanity are mutually exclusive. I love and celebrate (I mean, I guess, haha) my body most days, but if I had the means I would probably also consider some subtle breast augmentation. Does that make me a hypocrite or a shitty feminist? I don’t think so, but I guess everyone is allowed a difference of opinion on this, you and Jordan included.

  • Diane

    I totally love that you did this for yourself! When a woman’s appearance affects how she feels about the sexy relationship she has with her husband, and if she can afford to have this surgery done, then more power to her! I think that a woman can have a true ‘mom bod’ even with a boob job. Moms do not have to walk around with schleppy looking boobs in their post baby bearing years. Your boobs were totally GONE! Good for you for having the surgery. I would have done the same.

  • Lisa

    She is a mother. She has a mom bod. Presumably anyone buying the shirt saying “Mom Bod” will also be a mother and therefore have a mother’s body. Some moms have great bods! Some through exercise and some through surgery and some through genetics. Some have squishy bods! Despite exercise, despite genetics, or maybe entirely in absence of. Who knows. But they’re all still the bodies of mothers. Wear the shirt, sell the shirt, don’t buy the shirt. Be gracious and happy for each other, sisters!

    • jordanreid

      All of this. Thank you, Lisa.

  • Diane

    I have been a reader for several years, and I have never commented. But this time I felt as if I have something to add to this discussion. My children are 26 and 23, and I am probably a bit older than many of your readers. I was one of the “lucky” ones who arguably emerged from childbearing and breast feeding with “better” breasts – fuller, rounder, a bit larger than the modest size I started with. But I also emerged with a soft stomach no core exercises could eradicate, stretch marks, and a really leaky bladder. The first two of those I live with, and bear proudly as a marker of my “mom bod.” The last one, however, kept getting worse and worse despite years of kegels and months of physical therapy (don’t ask what that entails). I couldn’t sneeze, laugh, hike, or dance without wetting my pants, and it had gotten to the point where (even though I wore pads all the time), I just didn’t do some things that I loved, and my life felt diminished. Three years ago I was temporarily living somewhere with world class medical care, and I made the decision to have the problem surgically fixed. And it has changed my life and brought me such joy. I doubt that many would second-guess my choice or deem it self-serving or disingenuous, and yet all I did was have surgery on a part of my body that had been changed by bearing children, which is exactly what you did. I respect your choice, just as I would hope others respect mine. As others have said, everyone emerges from their childbearing experiences with a different body, and they are all “mom bods.” Shoot, my sister and I have laughed, because she adopted her children, and while our paths to our “mom bods” were different, we both have them. Thank you for your honesty in telling us about your decision and your surgery, and congratulations on making a decision that was the right one for you!

    • jordanreid

      diane, this is great. thank you so much for sharing this.

  • Jordan, I’ve been following your blog for a couple years now. You were one of the first bloggers I was introduced to when I quick my job in corporate america to start my business/blog. You have always inspired great writing, discipline and a keen sense of staying true to yourself. It is terrible feeling to wake-up hating your body everyday. I don’t think it’s fair for any woman to be criticized for doing something that makes her happy and more confident. Everyone should feel sexy naked especially moms because they give so much of their lives to others. Thank you for sharing!

  • Rain Mikajlo

    my admittedly snarky/unfair first thoughts after watching/reading this: lashes, fillers, now boobs? girl, how are you going to get goldie in and out of the tub/ her carseat? how will you carry groceries?!

    but you know what, all that snark? bc i was kinda jealous that 1 you have enough extra $$ for cosmetic surgery 2 you have reliable childcare

    my previously nonexistent boobs deflated to even more
    so nonexistent after having a kid and nursing. i get it. you look great. women should do what makes us feel good. thank you for that reminder. and thank you for always being honest and open with all your readers, it’s why we stick around 🙂

    • jordanreid

      rain, thank you for this. it means a lot to me.

  • Courtney

    Good for you Jordan! I am a mother of two little ones (close in age to yours) and I had an augmentation this January. I couldn’t be happier with the results – and I know you will love the outcome as well. Yes, the first 3 weeks with little ones was tough – but thankfully i was able to rely on my husband and childcare providers to help out. The first 2 days were the hardest and then it was really just forcing myself to take it easy – it wasn’t an issue of soreness or pain. The implants today are so natural looking that no one will even know – unless you make a point of telling them. So many other commenters have said supportive things I agree with – ignore the naysayers. Your body, your choice. If you haven’t already, join real self.com and you’ll find a huge community of supportive women who have had an augmentation and are happy with their choice.

  • Valerie Moore

    To me, the breast surgery Jordan elected to do is no different than working out, putting on makeup, wearing something that accentuates the parts of your body that you feel make you look attractive, dyeing your hair, or any number of other things women do to make themselves look, and therefore, feel better. Jordan wrote at length about her conflicts regarding the decision to have the procedure and seemed to come to the conclusion that it was a worthwhile investment because it would make her FEEL that much better. She will be happier. How dare anyone criticize her for that. A few thousand dollars may be a large investment to some, but it’s not a HUGE amount of money, even to a person who would be categorized as middle-class. I suspect people’s opinions would be much different if the same amount of money had been spent on gym memberships over a couple of years. And the criticism targeted at the supposed dichotomy between this aesthetic procedure and the “mom bod” sweatshirt, I think, is bullshit… simply because, if you are going to criticize a person for saying you should love and appreciate your body but also doing things to make that body she has earned look and feel better, then: 1) you’re just a hypercritical asshole, and 2) if you have done even one thing to enhance your appearance lately (i.e. putting on makeup, styling your hair, plucking your eyebrows, using tooth-whitening toothpaste), then you are simply a hypocrite. Jordan’s procedure may have cost more than your Crest Ultrawhite, but it’s the EXACT SAME THING.

  • Julieann

    It’s really uplifting to read so many positive responses to a post like this.

    As women, we really should stop shaming other women. We are all guilty of doing this, and we have all had it done to us. There is enough in this world that women (not to mention mothers!) must face. Why must we face the criticism of another woman?

    Think of how angry you feel when a woman in your life is judged or insulted for trying their best. When we shame another woman, we shame our mothers, our sisters, our friends and ourselves.

    Kudos to this woman for sharing something so intimate, and to all who stand by her.

  • cunites

    Thanks for sharing your story so openly and honestly!

  • Chris

    I have no input on your decision, I just think people should do whatever they want to their own bodies and I’m glad you are so happy with your outcome! Aside from that I had to tell you that you are the best looking post-op patient I have ever seen. Seriously. I have had my share of surgeries (I’m actually getting a few in my post baby nether regions, as soon as possible, as giving birth did some major damage. I’m trying to wrap my head around how on earth I will avoid lifting my daughter for 6 weeks), and never look anything remotely close to that post-op. Also, I am having a hard time believing those were your pre-op boobs (well, digital anyway). They looked so fabulous in clothes!

    • jordanreid

      lol, no – those were totally my “actual” pre-op breasts – the digital part was the after (well, the bikini was digital too, haha). at your initial consultation, they take the before photo and then do a digital rendering of the after so that you can see the difference between a lift, an implant, different sizes, etc.

      good luck on your own procedures – sending you lots of love <3

  • Kim

    Jordan, I am happy for you. I think you are open and honest with your readers, and that means, that if your readers are honest with themselves they have to know that sometimes they might disagree with you. That disagreement is healthily as long as it doesn’t involve judgement and insults.

    I am a late in life mom (35 when my first was born and 39 with my second), My breasts were changing, even before having my beautiful boys. After nursing them both, my once perky 34DDDs were basically tennis balls at the end of tube socks. My breasts had always been one of my favorite part of my physical self. What pushed me to have surgery is that my physical self was interfering with my emotional life. At intimate times with my husband I found my mind drifting to how to lay, hold or “dress the girls” so that I looked (and therefore felt) sexy, instead of focusing on my husband and our shared experience. No matter how much he told be how desirable he found me and my new body, I couldn’t shake my disappointment that no matter how healthy I was in the gym or the kitchen, I couldn’t “fix” my breasts without outside help. That’s what pushed me to have my lift and aug and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

    Yes, I am lucky to have to financial capability to make this choice. I know not everyone does have this opportunity, but I am proud of my choice and you should be too!

  • BartSkipner

    Because when your livilihood depends on your looks, I guess it makes sense. Sort of.

  • jessica baldenhofer

    Thank you so much for sharing your story Jordan. My husband is a plastic surgeon and I find that there are a lot of misconceptions about his field. Despite the fact that he has worked incredibly hard, is highly principled and helps people every day. Misconceptions exist partly because when people have positive experiences, they often don’t want to share (which is understandable, it can be private). However, I think it’s so wonderful that you chose to, it takes a lot of courage. You shared an example of thinking carefully about your choices, doing research on the procedure and the doctor and being clear that you were making this choice for yourself and no one else. Kudos to you for being courageous in life and online!

  • Meghan

    thank you for sharing this! I loved the video and your honesty. As a new mom of an 8 month old, I am still struggling to fully embrace my post-baby body (obviously all worth it!!). But great to know we are not alone in our thought process and I think its empowering to make a choice like you did! thanks again for sharing – good for you! Do what makes you feel good!!

  • First, I don’t think there is anything wrong with cosmetic surgery. I support you 100%. The only thing I was curious about is when you mentioned that you and Kendrick discussed it. What does that mean? Does it mean you discussed the costs, the risks, how you would care for the children during recovery or does it mean that you were like what do you think about me augmenting my body? And if he had been like I feel strongly about you not doing it? How much would have that have weighed on your personal decision?

    • jordanreid

      it’s actually something we’ve been discussing (or at least something i’ve been bringing up, whether half-jokingly or seriously) for years, so this wasn’t a new conversation for us. when i decided to proceed with a consultation, yes, we had The Big Talk – about finances, about risks, etc – and he was supportive, but ultimately it was very much my decision.

      if he had been vehemently against it, i can’t imagine i’d have gone forward with it…but i honestly can’t even picture a situation in which that would happen. he’s just extremely open-minded and very invested in me being happy and healthy and confident, and it’s hard to imagine him pushing me not to do something i felt very strongly would be a positive choice for me.

      • Thank you for giving me insight into your discussion. It’s something I am considering and this is a discussion I will be having.

      • smalina

        I’m also interested in the discussions you had with Kendrick, and was
        very intrigued by what he said in the video — that he feels A). somehow complicit in the decision because of the implication that your post-baby boobs were no longer sexual and B.) that on some level he needs to pretend that you’re not aging.

        I’d love to hear his thoughts, and your thoughts on those topics in the context of a long marriage. We are all aging, and our sexual lives will continue even as our bodies change. Most likely, at some point your sexual life with your husband almost transcends what your actual body looks like. or does it? and how does that relate to this kind of surgery? Was your decision more about your self-image or about your relationship?

        And as women we have many options in front of us as to how to deal with our changing bodies… it’s easy to become obsessed with “anti-aging” and the many actions we can take to slow the process as much as possible, or we can “give up” and “let ourselves go.”…. it seems like it can take up 0% of our headspace or 100% or anything in between. The choice is ours.

        Also, do you think having a blog with so many photos of yourself adds to your self-consciousness? Is that a good or bad thing?

        All that said, i think it’s great that you went ahead and fixed something that was bothering you.

        Finally, i came across this article today and that’s what led me back here:

        http://globalnews.ca/news/2638189/why-do-you-care-how-old-i-am-montreal-woman-wants-you-to-reconsider-your-beauty-standards/

        • jordanreid

          re: kendrick’s feelings, i’ll let him respond – coming up in a bit 🙂

          i don’t know if there’s a point at which your sexual life with your husband transcends your body – i wonder about that myself and am fascinated by the topic of how intimacy evolves as couples age. I know that that certainly hasn’t happened to us yet. how i feel about my body has a HUGE impact on that side of our relationship (which I’m referring to as “that side of our relationship” because #awkward) – when i feel confident and sexy it has an immediate and positive impact on our relationship. so while this decision was not “about” him, i was definitely aware that the boost it would give my confidence level would in turn affect my marriage in a positive way.

          Your question about how having a blog where I post lots of images of myself has affected my confidence is an interesting one, and I think it applies to people other than bloggers, given the reach of social media in our society. I remember years ago reading the NonSociety reblogging hate site (anyone remember that? …anyone? …everyone?) and seeing an entire thread featuring my wedding photos and mocking how my breasts looked in my wedding dress. that was the first time i’d ever thought about them in anything other than a positive way, and to this day when i look at my wedding photos i remember those comments. and that’s kind of sad. the negative comments i get on my physical appearance barely even register anymore – they feel like an unfortunate but unavoidable reality of this kind of work – but when i started doing this they absolutely did. that’s why i wrote about my insecurities so much, i think – in a way, i was trying to beat people to the punch (“see?! i already knew this about myself! you don’t have to make fun of me!”)

          beyond that, though, the answer to whether blogging makes me more concerned with my physical appearance than i might be otherwise is that i don’t know. because my job has always been tied to my appearance. of course you could argue that physical appearance affects virtually every job to some extent – but my jobs have been pretty overtly focused on the physical: i’ve been a model, an actress, a bartender, a waitress, and now this. i was anorexic when i was an actress in large part because i felt like i couldn’t compete, appearance-wise, but also because of a host of other issues related to the loss of control over my ability to succeed on my own merits that I experienced during the post-graduate years. i’m not anorexic now, and haven’t been for almost a decade. that’s a much bigger conversation, but it’s important to note that the singular focus i had on my body during those years is simply not my experience now. i care about how i look and feel proud when i look what i consider “good” (for me), but i feel way more proud of my kids, of my writing, of the skill sets i’ve developed over the past few years. there is a certain (large) aspect of this job that’s about image, but to me it doesn’t feel like the dominant part.

          • smalina

            Thanks so much for taking the time to respond!

  • I agree, such amazing support! Women should stand with one another like that more often. I did the same, after the same, for the same reasons. I remember stepping out of the shower and facing away from the mirror as I dried off because I my breasts were so recognizable. Best decision I ever made:)

  • Faith

    I’ve never seen/read your blog before, but someone told me about your boob job, so I had to come check it out. Watching your video blog was like watching myself 2 years ago – from the guilt to my reasoning for WHY I wanted them to my husband’s reaction to the super-easy recovery. I totally surprised myself by going through with it, but I am so glad I did!

    Congrats on your new boobies. I hope you love yours as much as I love mine!

  • Thank you for documenting and sharing this so openly. I 100% want a lift when I’m done breastfeeding and many of my natural mom friends do too! We joke about getting a volume discount 😉 Feeling confidence in our bodies and happy with what we see in the mirror is so put on the back burner when raising kiddos and why? We should take care of ourselves and feel happiness there!

  • JPoloski

    Thank you, Jordan, for being so open about this! I just wanted to put it out there that our feelings about our bodies–as much as they are personal–are probably still influenced by society more than they should be.

    In other cultures, women walk around topless with saggy boobs because hey, that’s what happens to everyone who breastfeeds, NBD. But in our culture, we hardly ever see women with “realistic” boobs celebrated or even just acknowledged as the norm. No, almost every actress or model (even post-childbirth!) has full, perky boobs.

    So of course it’s totally natural to feel like post-breastfeeding boobs are somehow worse than the ones we started with. I absolutely feel it too! But I just want us to acknowledge that we probably feel that way because of what are, at bottom, unhealthy cultural stereotypes.

    No question, it’s every woman’s right to feel however she does about her body, and to make changes accordingly. And I’m so glad you did so, and feel better about it! At the end of the day, however, I suppose we may just be perpetuating the same (unrealistic) standards that are making us feel bad about ourselves in the first place.

    And when our daughters grow up–do we want them to feel hemmed in by those same standards? Or do we want them to just feel happy with whatever shape/condition their body becomes in the natural process of aging and childbirth…because society finally accepts that as OK?

    • jordanreid

      100% to this. i was actually talking about your comment with kendrick last night and i said something to the effect of how my decision had nothing to do with men, and he replied, “there’s no way that’s true.” it might be true on some level (i did not do this “for him,” or “to be attractive to men,” i very much did it for myself)…but we’re talking about centuries of societal expectations here – expectations of perennial youthfulness and attractiveness for women that absolutely were set up by our patriarchal society. there’s just no way to separate that out from the rationale behind my decision.

      one of my best friends was actually very against me having an augmentation. she said, “jordan, i wish you would expend the energy you’re about to expend on surgery on figuring out a way to love everything about your post-baby body.” i get what she was saying; i really do – and i admire that attitude, but as much as i love my body and am proud of what it’s done and where it’s been, to me this decision didn’t feel like an abandonment of self-love; it felt like the opposite. i do think there’s a way to find a healthy balance between acceptance of the aging process and a desire to hold on to the positive aspects of youth (whether that means a body that can do whatever you want it to do or smooth skin) – and for me personally, finding that balance is a constant work in progress.

      • JPoloski

        Totally get it–it’s so hard to ask us as individual women to take on the burden of changing a whole society’s beauty standards, when obviously it will take much more than one person’s decisions about how to/not to look. The payoff would really only be symbolic, and the drawback would be carrying around the (totally valid) negative feelings you describe for years. And that would have much worse implications for you (and your family, your work, etc)!

        I just struggle with the question of, okay, where does change start? If we’re not ready to live it ourselves, how does it happen? I genuinely don’t know, but as always, thanks for the warm and wonderful open conversation!

  • Katie L Greene

    I’ve forced myself to refrain from mentally toying with the thought of breast surgery after I had my daughter. Every time I look at myself and miss the old version of my comfortably-small-ish-but-still-a-B-cup-sized-breasts I think “well, who cares, I’d rather be flat than fake”. But still, there’s a loss of femininity that I so enjoyed of myself prior to nursing — something I felt when dressing each day and intimately with my husband. After reading this, I’m thinking a lot differently. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. We DO give a lot of our physical selves to child bearing. Maybe it IS ok to think about a surgical fix. Maybe it’s time to throw the stigma out the window. Thank you for opening up about this, Jordan.

  • Brit

    I think what’s ironic, is that this is a big deal at all. I can only imagine you bracing yourself for the onslaught of judgement, maybe from strangers, maybe from friends/family, maybe even from that crabby little voice in your own head. When, every culture from every time period manipulates their physical structure to be more attractive – per the cultural norm, per the individuals taste. IT IS NORMAL. Makeup is normal. Hair dying is normal. Breast augmentation is normal. It’s all so effing normal. Sadly, what’s also normal is nitpicking and it’s the nitpicking that shames people not the procedure to adjust their look.

  • Naomi Jensen

    You literally addressed all of my same feelings and fears and I’m just so impressed that you have shared to this level of intimacy. I have mad respect for you and I really appreciate you putting it out there. I am on the fence about weather or not to get a similar operation, but this actually really helps me think it over without all of the shame. Thanks so much!

  • Erin

    So I realize I’m a bit late to the game here, but here goes.
    I am so, so grateful for this post. I am 36 years old, struggling with infertility (thank you, uterine fibroids), and have now had two pretty invasive surgeries to try to fix the fibroid issue so that my husband and I can potentially have children. These surgeries, and the skin stretching from the fibroids, have given me the classic “C-section pooch” (without the reward of a baby; a fact that I can’t seem to get around). I see comments from mothers all the time, referencing their C-section scars as happy memories of the children they have borne; but to me, my scar and “pooch” are just painful memories of the symptoms I’ve been dealing with and the children I can’t have. I am an otherwise very healthy, active person, and my belly now just looks alien; it doesn’t reflect ME. And I have always felt so vain for thinking that.
    Thank you SO much for normalizing the way I feel. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.

  • Bridget Coon

    THANK YOU for chronicling your experience. I’ve just made my deposit and procedure date for about a month and a half from now. I’ve had all of the same thoughts (how ridiculous and luxurious and not neccessary!). But I’ve had parallel thoughts of literally living out the rest of my life with really sad boobs. I work out, enjoy it, and have a body I love more than the one I had before having kids. With the exception of one thing I can’t do anything (but this) about. So bizarre – my “fear” before kids was my chest getting out of control big, since I was a full DD for as long as I’ve had them. The opposite transpired. I consulted with a local surgeon and it felt good. Let’s do this, LOL!