DIY

Use As Directed

In wake of yesterday’s garage-cleaning insanity (and in light of the fact that excuse me those corners were terrifying and I cleaned them anyway), I thought I’d whip up a little present for my husband. “Generous” is baaaaaasically my middle name.

Video

Saving The Worst For Last

For my final project in Spring Cleaning Week...this.

Whyyyyyy is it so hard to keep your garage clean? Every few months, I decide that I’ve had it with the state of our garage (cluttered! dusty! inexplicably scattered with Cheerios!) and spend an hour or two attacking it…but within a couple of weeks, like clockwork, it returns to its resting state (disastrous).

The thing about our garage is that it’s such an opportunity. It’s fairly well-lit and relatively empty thanks to the fact that we live in California and don’t have to actually park our cars in it. And given the not-so-massive size of our house, it’d be so nice to have a little extra space for Kendrick to set up his instruments; for the kids to play; for me to exercise (hahahahahaha); for whatever.

And so I put it on the calendar: Garage Cleaning Day. Not only were we going to reorganize; we were going to CLEAN THE BEAST. This process, of course, involved harrowing close encounters with dustballs that very closely resembled (and that I remain certain may have been) black widows.

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DIY

The Mortar Wash (Or “German Smear”) Experiment

The hideous, bright-orange brick on the exterior of my house has always vexed me: what to do about it? I mentioned this to my friend Erin, and she said oh, why don't you try a German Smear?

...See, to me "German Smear" sounds like a porn that I don't want to see. (Or maybe that I really, really do, depending on my mood and whether I've eaten recently.) Or maybe an extremely delicious sandwich. But probably not something I want to have happen to my house.

DIY

Hi, I’m A Professional Flower Arranger

I am super aware that this does not look easy. It is so easy. I whipped this arrangement – which is nice and low, so you can put it on your dining room table without completely obliterating your view of your fellow diners - up using exclusively grocery store-bought flowers, and in about ten minutes. (Okay, my son helped. But still.)

Step-by-step how-to is below!

DIY

I Made A Solar Fountain (For $30)

I am literally bouncing up and down in my chair right now because I'm scrolling through the list of half-finished post drafts sitting on my Wordpress dashboard, and I cannot wait to show you all the cool stuff I've been up to lately. In the past three weeks, I have redone the exterior of my entire house. I have made over my kitchen. I have planted all the plants, have learned how to do something called a German Smear (omg just wait until you see it), and have identified the cutest and least crazily priced drawer pulls a person can find. And, oh yes:

I HAVE CREATED A FOUNTAIN.

FROM SCRATCH.

Home

Spring Cleaning: Dog Edition

Lucy is way more welcome on our bed these days.

I have to be honest: I’m still emotionally recuperating from The Great Flea Poop Incident. (You know, the one that went on for TWO MONTHS.) I have washed every single piece of fabric in our house more times than fabric should probably be washed in a lifetime. I have vacuumed every inch of our house using every weird little specialty attachment-thing ever created, and have spent oh, so much money at Petco. I have awoken each morning nevertheless certain that the fleas have returned and are presently eating my neck, at which point I immediately flip over to scour the sheets for any sign of flea poop, no matter how miniscule.

It appears that the crisis has passed. And so in celebration of the fact that I once again love my dogs (kidding, sort of) – and because I’m in the midst of spring cleaning - I decided to give their eating and sleeping areas an extra-special cleaning with Clorox® Regular-Bleach. It cleans, sanitizes and disinfects. And! Did you know it kills parvovirus? (If you’ve never heard of parvovirus, it’s a highly contagious doggy disease that I really don’t want to risk.)

Lifestyle

Where My Earmuffs At?

It's happening: that thing that I promised myself wouldn't happen. That thing I specifically wrote about in the context of encouraging other people not to let it happen to them.

I'm getting sick and tired of talking about (and thinking about) politics. And it's making me want to put my earmuffs back on. Or bury my head in the sand. Pick an "ignorance is bliss" analogy; any one'll do.

The problem isn't that I'm "too upset," actually - it's that all this upsetness is starting to make me feel...numb. And the numbness is what freaks me out. Each and every day a new atrocity pops up in my news feed that makes me feel like I'm living in an alternate reality, or maybe still asleep. I know this sounds insane. I'm serious. I mentioned this odd little development to my therapist, and you know what she said? "Oh, yeah, that's dissociation. Super common. It's your brain's way of protecting you."

Home

Those Oft-Neglected Spots

Every once in awhile, it happens: my eyes land upon a spot in my house that for whatever reason I’ve never noticed before, and I am horrified.

Let me tell you a very disgusting story (sorry).

Over the past few months, Lucy has developed a habit of sleeping in my closet. And not just “in my closet”: in one of the storage boxes lined up along the floor of my closet, which hold things like out-of-season sweaters and accessories I rarely use and such. It never really bothered me, because she weighs six pounds and always seems very cute and peaceful when she’s all curled up on top of a pile of my clothing.

Beauty

I Got My Face Lasered. Here’s How It Went.

A few weeks ago, if you remember, I wrote about how I tried a microdermabrasion treatment - not because I wanted to, exactly, but rather because I had discussed using a BBL laser treatment on the rosacea on my cheeks (which you may not have noticed, since I wear makeup to cover it, but trust me, it's there - and it's RED). Except the aesthetician had informed me that I had to do microdermabrasion first (to treat the little case of hormone-related adult acne I've recently developed, WHEE). 3 weeks later, my skin was (relatively) chilled-out, and I went in for the BBL treatment in hopes of combating the underlying problem.

I've never done anything laser-related before and was a little nervous - so of course I took my camera with me into the treatment room. Of course. (And please don't watch this video if you typically get freaked out by stuff like this; the "after" picture isn't especially lovely.)