10 Things (Finally) Being Treated For Anxiety Taught Me

Being someone who has suffered from chronic anxiety for well over a decade and who is writing a humor book about anxiety is a bizarre experience. So much of what I've gone through has been decidedly less-than-funny, but now, as part of the writing process, I've been scrolling back through old posts I've written on the topic with a new perspective. I mean, I hallucinated tiny banana-shaped people sitting in my linen closet and telling me they could help me sleep. (True story.)

Come on. That's funny.

But re-reading these posts is doing something else: it's making me remember just how rough that (extremely long) time period was, because it's easy for me - a person who is now capable of sleeping through the night without bolting straight up in bed at 3AM, wide-awake and sobbing because DEATH IS REAL - to forget how out of control my life used to feel, because I simply couldn't rely on my own brain to do what I wanted it to do.


…These Are Different, Okay?

This is the general look I'm going for in our hall bath.

( know, the space and light, because my bathroom is a cave.)

I've started working on our (first) bathroom renovation, and am paralyzed by the most ludicrous of decisions, so I'm going to have to ask for your help. I'm trying to pick out a white vanity, and I can't do it: I've spent hours and hours scrolling through websites past bazillions of different options, and am super annoyed at myself for wasting this much time on something when I need to be doing other things that aren't ridiculous, like going to sleep at a normal hour or finishing Fire and Fury. Except for some reason I cannot make a selection, because a) bathroom vanities are something that I have literally never in my life given any thought to, and b) oh my god, they're so expensive.


The Many Lives Of Lucy

If cats have nine lives, Lucy basically has nine cats. (Kendrick gave this joke a B. Whatever, I think it's funny.). To explain, allow me to briefly enumerate for you the situations in which my twelve-year-old, eight-pound teacup shih tzu has eluded death:

  1. A brief period of ownership by a person who was willing to "lend" her six-week-old puppy to an acquaintance (me) so she could go to London, and who then decided not to return. Ever.
  2. An incident where she escaped from my house and hid under my car, resulting in an escaping eyeball.
  3. A second incident a week later where I came home from work and her excitement upped her blood pressure to the point where the eyeball escaped once again. (That was the end of the eyeball.)
  4. A tick situation that y0u can read about here, if you want (omg).
  5. A nighttime stroll through our coyote-filled neighborhood that ended with a stay in our local shelter.
  6. The discovery of a tennis-ball-sized lump on her neck that I was certain was a death sentence, but turned out to be no big deal (it was an abscess, which is categorically horrifying, but treatable).
  7. A two-week period during which she walked into walls and spun in circles with her head stuck at a permanent 45-degree angle. This HAD to be bad. Like, really bad. And yet? It turned out - again - to be "no big deal," according to our vet. (It's called "old dog disease." Really.)
  8. A leg that broke for no apparent reason and that rejected three different casts (they literally just fell off). But then it just got better anyway. On its own.

And now?

Now Lucy has cured herself of blindness.

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The Dream Room

Crate & Barrel 2-Piece Lounge Sectional | Gray Malin "Viareggio Pool" Print

One of my most frequent recurring dreams: I suddenly discover a series of rooms in my house that I've never seen before, and am overtaken by a sense of simultaneous frustration (why didn't I know these rooms were here all this time?!), excitement (new rooms!) and anxiety (what will I do with all these rooms?!). Apparently dreams like this symbolize that the dreamer is discovering untapped potential, or moving beyond what they previously saw as their limitations.

To me, they've always felt slightly more literal.


Back To School! (THANK GOD)

Skirt | Heels | Blazer | Blouse | Purse*

I took these photos a couple of weeks ago, planning to write something about office holiday party attire, but now the holidays are over. So why am I posting them anyway?

Well, first, because I like this outfit so much. It's comprised of a few pieces that I wear much, much less often than I probably should (especially that Helmut Lang blazer - which, FYI, is totally on TheRealReal for $59 right now, so if it's your size hurry up and grab it).

But mostly it's because I have nothing else to post. Because I have had both of my children at home with me all week long, and have been trying to write a book while also trying to convince a three-year-old and a six-year-old that "Poo-poo diaper face" is not an acceptable way to refer to one's sibling (and even if they do call you a poo-poo diaper face, that DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BITE THEM I'M SERIOUS DO NOT BITE YOUR BROTHER).


Links & Love & Stuff

I wore this outfit for far too many hours in a row while traveling last week, thanks to the absent luggage situation. Fortunately, these cashmere sweatpants (thanks, mom :) are really good. And Drew Barrymore makes them! Weird. (Also pictured: Lo & Sons Seville Laptop Tote; completely perfect Hollister long-sleeved tee.)

I hate cold butter. Kendrick hates when I leave butter on the counter so it's not cold. PROBLEM SOLVED. (Seriously this thing is amazing and you need to own it. Plus it's French!)

The director of Moonlight got drunk on a plane and live-tweeted Notting Hill while watching it over the shoulder of the passenger in front of him. (It's as good as you think.)


Vogue’s “Top Trends,” With Some Minor Adjustments

Nothing in this photograph makes sense.

Last night I was laying in bed scrolling through my news feed, and came upon this British Vogue article about street style in 2017 and how great it was and how a whole bunch of the trends are sticking around for 2018 because they're SO GREAT and etc etc...and I actually cackled.

The crevasse between my life and the lives of Vogue's street style stars is vast and wide, my friends.


I Just Ate One of the Best Meals of My Life…In Rural Ohio

OK, so over the years I've been a little obnoxious about Ohio. Mostly because it refuses to let me have my luggage and makes my family throw up, but also because it's freezing whenever I visit it. And flat. (And yes, it also has amazing antiquing and Quaker Steak 'n' Lube and all sorts of other things I love, but whatever: 10-hour journeys with children make me grumpy and trips to Ohio always involve 10-hour journeys with children, so I'm grumpy. Sue me.)

One unexpected byproduct of these trips: I've discovered that the rural and suburban areas around Cleveland have some seriously good food. (I discovered this because my father-in-law is deeply invested in the quest to cement his status as Awesomest Father-In-Law Ever Who Feeds His Daughter-In-Law Awesome Food.) Sure, I've had terrible, horrible garlic-pickled eggs and bologna-slab sandwiches at (the otherwise very cool) Lehman's Hardware Store, but I've also eaten artisanal pizza at Gervasi Vineyard, phenomenal seafood at the Main Street Grille in downtown North Canton, and perfect aged Swiss at Guggisberg Cheese. So I think it's safe to say that I'm respectably well-versed in how truly excellent the food around here can be.

I've also been lucky enough to have the chance to eat at some of the very best restaurants on the planet. Nobu; Blue Ribbon; Daniel; Blue Hill Farm. I may not really know what I'm talking about when it comes to *why* a restaurant is remarkable - I vastly prefer Burger King Whopper Juniors to Minetta Tavern's Black Label Burger, so it's safe my palate couldn't be called the "refined" sort - but what I can say is whether a restaurant's food is delicious. To me.