Hatch Dress (yes, it's maternity; no, I'm not pregnant) | Sunglasses | Sandals | J. Crew Purse

See how this dress is pretty demure? Yeah, yeah, it's short, I know, but it has that high neck and that loose fit and those mid-length sleeves, so it's always made me feel genteel and graceful, like someone who'd carry a structured handbag and who probably stores her hats in actual hatboxes as opposed to where I store mine, which is in a stack on the floor of my closet, underneath my cat.

It turns out that even a dress this pretty and demure stops being pretty and demure in certain situations. Like, say, when you are spread-eagled on top of a pile of rocks and wet sand (mud), having just been dropped from really quite a significant height by your husband, and especially when the rocks and wet sand (mud) that you have found yourself laying on top of happen to be located directly in front of a restaurant where all the patrons are seated facing towards the beach, making the precise spot where your husband deposited you effectively a stage upon which you now find yourself performing the grand old tragicomic classic, "Hey Everyone, Check Out My Underpants!"