Posts Tagged: anxiety

Anxiety

So Here’s What I’m Afraid Of

I mean, I'm afraid of lots of things surrounding the family expansion that's on the way. I'm afraid that I won't be able to find the time to do my work (which does not involve maternity leave). I'm afraid that I'll be so overtired and stressed out that I'll take it out on Kendrick, and that our baby's first months in the world will be full of yelling rather than joy. I'm afraid that I'll be so busy and worried about everything that I'll forget to notice what's really happening, which is that my daughter is right there in front of me, learning where her fingers are or how to reach for a toy, and then it'll be over, and I'll never have a baby again, and I'll spend ever day for the rest of my life wishing I had just stopped everything to be with my child and watch her watch the world.

I'm afraid of all of those things.

But right now, right this moment, what I'm afraid of is this: nearly every new parent I've spoken to has told me that part of how you make it through those first few months with a toddler and an infant is basically by dividing and conquering. I've heard from more than one new mom of two that - in the beginning, at least - her partner is generally the one "responsible" for the older child, the one taking him out, playing with him, feeding him, heading out to the park with him, while she stays home with the baby (because, of course, there are some things that Dads just can't do for a newborn; breastfeeding, for example). I've also heard that the moment your new baby arrives, something changes in the way you see your first child: they seem so big, all of a sudden. So capable. And that's wonderful, and also a loss: where did my baby go?

Best

Counting Clouds

Three screenings of Planes (for real; I think someone was excited about flying), one waffle, one banana, one cup of blueberries, one cup of pasta, one cup of cereal, one cup of dried green beans, two applesauces, three crackers, one yogurt parfait, and one McDonald's egg-and-cheese biscuit later (what can I say? the child can eat), and we're in San Francisco!

Of course, the first order of business was to head straight to In-N-Out Burger for some animal style action. Because we were starving.

Anxiety

When Is The Right Time, Part Deux

A few days ago, shortly after I made our announcement, I got an email from someone who said that I was "crazy" for having another baby now, with a husband who's in business school in another state. And while I'm not sure the comment was especially well-intentioned...I still thought that it was interesting, because it brings up a question that everyone wonders about - worries about - when it comes to when to begin (or expand) their own family.

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DIARY

Work It Out

Q. Jordan,

How do you handle childcare for your son and working from home? I am expecting my first child, and own my own business. I have a home office but spend about 15-20 hours a week out and about meeting clients. Also, when I'm working from home, I actually need to work, of course.

I'm feeling like I will need full-time childcare in order to get everything done but also feel like there should be some benefit to owning my own business/working from home that I could get away with less. I'd love to hear how you balance things?

Anonymous

Anxiety

“Good” Morning?

I wanted to show you exactly how fantastic I look this morning.

OK, so Kendrick was studying really late last night. And how late he stays up and why is none of my business, and besides: I'm excited for him and proud of him for being so hard-working and dedicated. But I have this thing - and I know I'm not alone here, because my friend told me it's the same for her when her husband falls asleep on the couch or whatever and she has to go out and wake him up and get him back into bed before she herself can pass out - where I cannot fall asleep until Kendrick is in bed too. I can sort of doze, but if he is in the house I do not actually fall asleep until he is laying there next to me.

I try to let him know that this is my problem, not his - just another fun byproduct of my decade-long argument with Sleep - and he can of course do whatever he wants and stay up until whenever he wants, but I'm certain it's still extremely annoying for him, feeling like he's keeping his wife awake just by virtue of not deciding to go to sleep at the exact same moment she does. I explain my restlessness when he's downstairs to myself as an anticipation of being woken back up when he comes into the room, but let's get real: I'm sure it's some kind of weird control thing.

Best

Grown-Up Pants

You know how child actors are always going on about how they "skipped their childhoods"? Well, I didn't do that. I was good and irresponsible during those key formative years. But I did have some expectation that six or so years spent traipsing around on sets alongside people twice my age followed by four years of pretty excellent education would spit me out on the other side capable of...you know...being an adult. Not through any effort of my own, mind you. Just because I figured someone would implant that knowledge directly into my brain with zero exertion on my part.

...What, that's not how it works?

I started acting professionally when I was twelve years old and a director who lived in my building asked me to audition for a commercial he was shooting. I got an acting agent, and then hooked up with Ford to do some modeling, and within a year I was going on auditions and go-sees more days than not. I went to a relatively arts-friendly high school, and they let me rearrange my schedule so that I took the majority of my classes in the mornings, leaving me free for work in the afternoons.

And it was fun, mostly.

Baby

(Nearly) 3-Month Checkup

Maybe you could parent in exactly the way you'd like to for an afternoon...but for a lifetime? Who you really are just comes out; the overwhelming amount of time that you spend with a person who is absolutely dependent on you in every way casts everything that you are into sharp relief.

Anxiety

The Way It Went

(Blogging & Lunch / 5 days old / October 26, 2011)

This is one of those posts that I was talking about when I said I needed a couple of weeks to let my emotions settle so that I'd be able to see straight. I'm not sure that they're settled entirely quite yet - so forgive me if I ramble, or if things aren't quite wrapped up with a neat little bow - but this is the best I can do for now. Mostly because man, I'm tired. Happy, but tired.

What I'm writing about today: my labor. It was not what I had expected. I was not what I had expected.


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