Posts Tagged: anxiety

Anxiety

“Good” Morning?

I wanted to show you exactly how fantastic I look this morning.

OK, so Kendrick was studying really late last night. And how late he stays up and why is none of my business, and besides: I'm excited for him and proud of him for being so hard-working and dedicated. But I have this thing - and I know I'm not alone here, because my friend told me it's the same for her when her husband falls asleep on the couch or whatever and she has to go out and wake him up and get him back into bed before she herself can pass out - where I cannot fall asleep until Kendrick is in bed too. I can sort of doze, but if he is in the house I do not actually fall asleep until he is laying there next to me.

I try to let him know that this is my problem, not his - just another fun byproduct of my decade-long argument with Sleep - and he can of course do whatever he wants and stay up until whenever he wants, but I'm certain it's still extremely annoying for him, feeling like he's keeping his wife awake just by virtue of not deciding to go to sleep at the exact same moment she does. I explain my restlessness when he's downstairs to myself as an anticipation of being woken back up when he comes into the room, but let's get real: I'm sure it's some kind of weird control thing.

Best

Grown-Up Pants

You know how child actors are always going on about how they "skipped their childhoods"? Well, I didn't do that. I was good and irresponsible during those key formative years. But I did have some expectation that six or so years spent traipsing around on sets alongside people twice my age followed by four years of pretty excellent education would spit me out on the other side capable of...you know...being an adult. Not through any effort of my own, mind you. Just because I figured someone would implant that knowledge directly into my brain with zero exertion on my part.

...What, that's not how it works?

I started acting professionally when I was twelve years old and a director who lived in my building asked me to audition for a commercial he was shooting. I got an acting agent, and then hooked up with Ford to do some modeling, and within a year I was going on auditions and go-sees more days than not. I went to a relatively arts-friendly high school, and they let me rearrange my schedule so that I took the majority of my classes in the mornings, leaving me free for work in the afternoons.

And it was fun, mostly.

Baby

(Nearly) 3-Month Checkup

Maybe you could parent in exactly the way you'd like to for an afternoon...but for a lifetime? Who you really are just comes out; the overwhelming amount of time that you spend with a person who is absolutely dependent on you in every way casts everything that you are into sharp relief.

Anxiety

The Way It Went

(Blogging & Lunch / 5 days old / October 26, 2011)

This is one of those posts that I was talking about when I said I needed a couple of weeks to let my emotions settle so that I'd be able to see straight. I'm not sure that they're settled entirely quite yet - so forgive me if I ramble, or if things aren't quite wrapped up with a neat little bow - but this is the best I can do for now. Mostly because man, I'm tired. Happy, but tired.

What I'm writing about today: my labor. It was not what I had expected. I was not what I had expected.


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