A few days ago, shortly after I made our announcement, I got an email from someone who said that I was "crazy" for having another baby now, with a husband who's in business school in another state. And while I'm not sure the comment was especially well-intentioned...I still thought that it was interesting, because it brings up a question that everyone wonders about - worries about - when it comes to when to begin (or expand) their own family.
I wanted to show you exactly how fantastic I look this morning.
OK, so Kendrick was studying really late last night. And how late he stays up and why is none of my business, and besides: I'm excited for him and proud of him for being so hard-working and dedicated. But I have this thing - and I know I'm not alone here, because my friend told me it's the same for her when her husband falls asleep on the couch or whatever and she has to go out and wake him up and get him back into bed before she herself can pass out - where I cannot fall asleep until Kendrick is in bed too. I can sort of doze, but if he is in the house I do not actually fall asleep until he is laying there next to me.
I try to let him know that this is my problem, not his - just another fun byproduct of my decade-long argument with Sleep - and he can of course do whatever he wants and stay up until whenever he wants, but I'm certain it's still extremely annoying for him, feeling like he's keeping his wife awake just by virtue of not deciding to go to sleep at the exact same moment she does. I explain my restlessness when he's downstairs to myself as an anticipation of being woken back up when he comes into the room, but let's get real: I'm sure it's some kind of weird control thing.
(Blogging & Lunch / 5 days old / October 26, 2011)
This is one of those posts that I was talking about when I said I needed a couple of weeks to let my emotions settle so that I'd be able to see straight. I'm not sure that they're settled entirely quite yet - so forgive me if I ramble, or if things aren't quite wrapped up with a neat little bow - but this is the best I can do for now. Mostly because man, I'm tired. Happy, but tired.
What I'm writing about today: my labor. It was not what I had expected. I was not what I had expected.