Where We’re Going Next

Where We’re Going Next

So what’s this all about?

I don’t talk a lot about what Kendrick does on a day-to-day basis. Mostly because while RG certainly includes my family, it’s not about my family.

But something – a big thing – just changed, and I (we) decided to share it both because it’s going to have a big impact on our day-to-day routine for the foreseeable future…and because it’s majorly on my mind. I’m excited. And nervous.

Super nervous. (I’m not pregnant; just clearing that up before we go any further.)

Let me back it up for a second. I met Kendrick in 2007, and married him in 2008. During the first two years of our relationship he was in a touring band, which sounds fun in theory…but in practice involves long separations during which there is very little contact, thanks to the strange hours that on-the-road musicians keep and the problematic cell phone service often present in places like rural Montana.

Around the time that I moved back to New York my acting career imploded, and we decided – together – that what made sense for us was for me to find a job with a reliable salary and insurance to support us both while Kendrick was away. I had zero experience in any fields beside bartending and acting, so the job I ended up with wasn’t exactly my dream position, but someone had to keep things going in the meantime. And at that point it made sense for that person to be me.

In the fall of 2009, two things happened: Kendrick’s band broke up, and I decided that I wanted to give becoming a writer and a host a for-real shot. And so we decided – again, together – that we would effectively swap positions for the time being: Kendrick would find a steady job with benefits while I tried to get what I hoped would be my new career off the ground. And – surprising no one more than me – it worked: I found a career that I loved and that continues to splinter off in exciting new directions almost every day.

It was great. Is great. But great for me isn’t the same as great for us, and something still had to change.

It just did.

A week and a half ago, Kendrick found out that he got into Yale for business school. Today is his last day of work; tomorrow morning he returns to the world of being a full-time student.

I am so excited for him. And so nervous. I mean…we have a house. And a son. And while my job is remarkably stable for someone who’s self-employed…I’m still self-employed. I could…I don’t know, get sick and be unable to work. Anything could happen.

But right now, right this moment…we can do this. We’ve done the math and made the Excel spreadsheets, and we’ve put stuff in place like FAFSA loans, transportation, and insurance (I formed an LLC, so I’m eligible for small business insurance; more on that later) – and it’s time to take another big jump. In a year, two years, three, things might be different, and we might not be able to do this for whatever reason, and it’s too big of an opportunity – too wonderful and special and exciting - to miss out on.

Now, I’d be lying if I said that this decision was an easy one for us to make, or that it didn’t occasionally (daily) throw me into a total panic. It’s a great thing, but I know that it also means a lot of time spent alone, a lot of stress, and more than a little struggle. I know there will be days when I feel burdened and angry and frustrated, and I hope I won’t take that out on Kendrick, but let’s get real: I probably will. I know that.

More than anything, more than it all, though, I also know this: from time to time I may get lonely and angry and frustrated, but that doesn’t change the fact that no part of me  - I mean that, none of me – thinks that this is the wrong decision. This is something that my husband wants, and needs, and will hopefully benefit from in ways that we can’t even imagine right now. Most importantly, though: it will make him happy, and while sure, Indy and I make Kendrick happy…I think there’s also been a lot missing for him in recent years.

His happiness – his ability to unstick himself and to move towards the future that he wants…it’s worth making some in-the-moment sacrifices for. It’s priceless.

I suppose you’d call this back-and-forth we’ve done over the past few years “compromise”…but that’s not what it feels like, not really. It feels like evolution towards a shared dream, and the dream isn’t about money or having “stuff” or flying off to wherever to stay in fancy hotels…it’s about loving whatever it is that we spend our days doing. We’ve both taken our sweet time with the whole “figuring out what we want to be when we grow up” thing…but in the end, I don’t think that’s what matters. I think what matters is that you keep going forward, even if that means moving in different directions than you initially planned.

Most of all, it’s this: when our son grows up and starts to find his way towards whatever he chooses as his life’s work, I want him to love what he does and be fulfilled by it and not stop until he feels proud of himself. I want that for him so badly. And I want his parents – both of us – to serve as living examples that even if you screw up and flounder and take more than the occasional step backwards (because wow, have we ever)…you keep on going anyway until you find whatever it is that you’re looking for.

I want Kendrick to find what he’s looking for. I think he will.

  • antheapena

    OMGAAAAAAAWD SO exciting, what wonderfully supportive words. Your new journey starts now. Best of luck and I, like all your readers are with you for the ride.

    • jordanreid

      Thank you so much :) :)

  • natashaattal

    So happy for you guys! I know it will be an incredibly rich and beautiful experience.

  • Allie Lochiatto

    well, this is exciting.. & scary, i’m sure. you’re following your dreams while allowing him to follow his, & that’s the main ingredient of a happy & healthy relationship, no? wishing you two lovebirds the best!

    allie at alliewears.com

  • Spotted Rose

    Ah congrats ! Very exciting and what a partnership is all about ! x Lots of luck & love x

  • Molly

    So very sweet! Congrats to Kendrick and so excited for this next step for ALL of you!

  • Hope Varnedoe

    Congratulations to Kendrick. How exciting. But wow do I understand the nerves and anxiety you might feel too. It’s a big change. However, you guy are planning and thinking it through and are ready. You’re going to get through this well and happily. I just know it. Sending you lots of luck and love.

    • jordanreid

      thank you!!

  • jordanreid

    Thank you, Allie!

  • http://www.alwaysorderdessert.com/ Alejandra Ramos

    Congratulations to Kendrick! What a big change, but will bring amazing things both now and in the future. I love how you guys work with and support each other–totally an inspiration. I’m curious about the commute–will he be training it/driving to New Haven or staying up there when he has class?

    • jordanreid

      Our initial plan was to have him commute (it’s slightly under an hour’s drive each way), but on advice from friends who’ve been to business school we’re looking for an apartment (or rather a room in someone else’s apartment) so that he can stay up there at least a couple of days a week.

  • Elle

    Well done and congratulations, I think this is really inspiring – I too have a young son and a house with a mortgage and a husband who’s not too happy in his job (I’m not so happy in mine either come to think of it!)…It’s great to see you guys doing something about it, maybe your example will kickstart a conversation at home later :-) I think it’s too easy to get stuck in a job just to pay the bills, but your point about your son is what clicked with me – it’s so important to remember that we’re role models for our children. Thank you for sharing this :)

  • Brit

    Oh my goodness Jordan, this is extremely exciting for you all :) It’s funny, I don’t know you in person but I read what you write everyday and I feel like I know you. And I feel like a super big happy event just happened for a friend of mine and I am so happy for you all. Thanks for sharing.

    PS – You are a really wonderful, supportive wife. I really admire that about you.

  • Sophie Chau

    That is wonderful!!! Congratulations, it’s an inspiration that you enable each other to do incredible things by supporting each other.

  • Laura

    ” I think what matters is that you keep going forward, even if that means
    moving in different directions than you initially planned.”

    This.

    This is so important.

    I think it’s so easy to just fall into a rut, and to say that something is “good enough”, or that you’re “happy enough” in order to avoid risking changes. I know I do that (struggling with leaving a safe place that isn’t making me happy right now). I really admire your ability to challenge your life and continually ask more of it. Congrats and good luck to both of you.

  • areisner

    As a Yale student, I can say that’s definitely a great decision- New Haven can be really awesome (as well as the surrounding more rural areas); you’re going to have lots of fun with trips up there!

    • jordanreid

      i love the area! kendrick went there for undergrad so we’ve made a bunch of trips over the past few years. big pepe’s fans :)

  • yadayada

    I’ve been reading your blog for a couple years now even though I’m single and not all that fashion-minded. But I love your style and the honest, personal yet not too revealing way you write about your life. And I just have to say that your approach to your relationship is awesome and I consider you and Kendrick to be a great example of what I hope my future is like. Congrats to your family on your exciting new step!

    • jordanreid

      thank you so much!

  • Christina Maple

    Congratulations to both you and Kendrick! I can tell you as a female who went from the breadwinner in the U.S. (but with a husband making a really good living with almost the same income) to the sole breadwinner, it can be stressful. Just make sure to use this time to really explore how you both can support each other and further strengthen your partnership. My husband of four years quit his job to move with me for my job to China. I thought it would be a no-brainer (company pays for move and living expenses; basically everything we make we can save), but there is still a lot of stress involved with being the sole person bringing in income. At first I pulled away and focused on work solely, but that (obviously) was not a good solution. We ‘check in’ with each other frequently and have split the chores/household tasks differently than when we were in the states both working. (‘Check in’ is a status update just to see how that person’s feeling and handling culture shock/various stressors that day or week.) With Kendrick attending school full time and commuting, you’ll face similar situations, but you two will definitely be able to handle it and thrive. Congrats again!

  • http://barnardbabyblog.tumblr.com Adrienne

    CONGRATS! So enjoy watching you guys follow and tackle your dreams :) New Haven has come a long way in the past few years – I’ve been going there since I was a wee one to visit relatives – Oh Pepes :)
    Look forward to more and more!

  • Samara OShea

    “I know there will be days when I feel burdened and angry and frustrated…”

    As always Jordan, your honesty is refreshing. Being aware of our tendencies is half the battle. I have no doubt that you will make the most of these challenges and turn them into great blog posts. Best of luck to you both as you set out on this new adventure!

    • jordanreid

      thank you, samara!

  • http://www.thefashionablehousewife.com/ The Fashionable Housewife

    Congrats! That’s so exciting!!!

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