Me, January 2018

I got an email the other day that reminded me why I keep writing this site, even during the times when it's especially hard, and I very much don't want to. The email was from a woman who feared she was in the midst of an ectopic pregnancy, and was having trouble "convincing" the doctors of her suspicions. She remembered the post I'd written nearly two years ago, about my own ectopic pregnancy - the one that very nearly killed me, and would have had I not been fortunate enough to have a friend who knew the signs to look for - and kept her questions for the doctors coming.

It's isn't the only email like this I've ever gotten. It's not even the only email like this I've gotten this month. It turns out that despite the fact that ectopic pregnancies account for 1-2% of all pregnancies - making them not particularly uncommon - vast numbers of us have no idea what they are, or what they might look like. Myself included.

Late night lights in Truth Or Consequences, NM

I've been writing Ramshackle Glam for nearly ten whole years - which means that there is a LOT of good stuff hanging out in my archives. So each Friday, we'll be doing a little throwback to one of my personal favorites. This week, I got to thinking about readings - I've had a few done over the years, but two in particular stand out in my memory. The first was a reading that Kendrick and I did together midway through our cross-country move from New York to California. The second was a reading I got shortly after the divorce.

Both made me realize that there's something I've been trying so hard to find for years now. But I'm starting to wonder whether that something is a part of me I left in the past and want so badly to recapture...or a part of me that's still dancing around the edges, waiting to be discovered.

Sometimes I read older posts of mine, and I can't remember having written them; it's the oddest thing. I remember the feelings, of course, but then I read the words, and it's like they were typed out by someone else. Someone who understood me intensely, yes, but certainly not me.

That's been happening a lot these past few days: I'm looking for a recipe, or a reference, and I happen across one of these older posts...and it feels less like a memory than like a letter from a friend, telling me everything will be okay.