DIARY

DIARY

The Get My Sh*t Together List

The mode I'm in right now can be most succinctly described as "Forgive Thyself." I haven't been to yoga in months. I'm sending my kids to school with Lunchables, leaving my bed unmade, forgetting to ingest anything but coffee until mid afternoon more often than a living human being reasonably should, and most certainly not drinking the physician-recommended amount of water.

I am getting through the day. One day at a time.

But, you know: this should probably change. Like, soon. And so I have decided that the Forgive Thyself Era may last until January 1st, at which point I will be changing All Of The Things. Here is a shortlist of plans that I have, which I am putting here so as to be held accountable.

DIARY

The Grey Space

In February, I am going to Asia for two weeks. It’s for my dad’s birthday; he and I are going to fly through Hong Kong and Jakarta, then spend a week scuba diving off of a live-aboard boat in Indonesia. 

It sounds amazing. Obviously. And the original purpose of this post was to crowd-source; ask you guys where we should eat, what we should do, and so on. But every time I try to write about this trip, I get stuck. I don’t want to write about it. Because even though I know that whining about the opportunity to experience what is quite literally the trip of a lifetime is hardly a cute look…the truth is that I don’t want to go.

I spent this past week away from my children. Our agreement (all formally signed off on by lawyers and such, GOOD TIMES) is that we switch off Thanksgiving breaks, and this - our first year - was Kendrick’s year. I figured that since they were going all the way to Ohio, it made sense for him to take them for an extra couple of days, so they could get in good grandparent time and not have to rush too much, but what that ended up meaning was that I was apart from my kids for an entire week. And it was too much. For me. 

DIARY

Ten Things Getting Divorced Has Taught Me (So Far)

This is a place I can tell you - from the bottom of my heart - that I never, ever thought I'd be. I grew up with parents who were married, and still are. My friends' parents - nearly all of them - were married, and still are. Kendrick's parents too. Married. For life.

So even though divorce is apparently something that happens to half the couples out there (at least), I never thought it would happen to me. Because I never saw divorce as an option; not even close. No matter how bad things got - and from time to time, they did get there - I honestly couldn't imagine ever pulling the trigger, so to speak. I imagined saying those words as the equivalent of setting off a bomb in the very center of our home: an unthinkable. A tragedy.

And then I did just that. Blew us to pieces.

DIARY

I Think We’re Done Here

View from my backyard, Friday morning.

Honestly, you guys. You'd think that by this point 2018 would have, as my mother would say, had the biscuit. Except the hits just keep on coming.

So here's what the last couple of days have looked like (and please scroll to the bottom if you want to skip hearing The Tale Of My Weekend, and just want to find out how to help those who have been seriously impacted by the events in California over the past week). I started hearing reports about the fires as I was driving home on Thursday night. By Friday morning, the view from my backyard was that picture you see up there: a huge ball of smoke that just kept growing and growing and growing, getting wider and taller and darker with each passing hour. Planes flying directly overhead carrying water and emergency rescue supplies. The whole deal.

DIARY

Loud House

Me, in the bedroom that's just mine. (Image by @smiechbuziak)

When I think about the first time I lived in LA - right after college, when I moved out here to look for acting work - there's rarely anyone else there, in those memories. It wasn't like I spent all my time alone - I had friends, and I had my boyfriend - but most of the time, whether by choice or not...I was. Me, at the do-it-yourself car wash, feeding quarters into the soap machine. Me, driving north towards Santa Barbara, then turning around when I got there and driving right back. Me, wandering through the Fairfax Farmer's Market. Buying a donut, just to have a thing to do.

I was so lonely.


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