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Shall We Spring Clean?

I do not especially love cleaning…but I love Spring Cleaning. Mostly because you can apply the idea way beyond the reaches of your rugs: Spring is a great time to chop off a few inches of hair, streamline your wardrobe to highlight those pieces you really do wear, and whittle down your beauty products to the bare necessities. You can even - stay with me, here - spring clean your mind. (Click here for a Tarot spread for spiritual decluttering.)

In other words: I think about it less as "cleaning," and more as "simplifying."

Below, alllll the ideas you could possibly want if you're in a simple life kinda mood this weekend.

Decor

The Death Knell For Millennial Pink Has Sounded

Let us first begin with a quick story that has absolutely nothing to do with the subject matter of this post, because sure.

By now, I think we are all aware that I hover somewhere on the "holy shit, how are you still alive" end of the clumsiness spectrum (see evidence here, here, here, and here). A few days ago, however, I reached Apex Level Disastrousness, in the form of a Spring Break trip to the desert during which I managed to break 1) my cell phone, 2) my son's laptop screen, 3) the glass top of a table in our AirBnB that I shattered by tripping and falling directly on top of it (I'm fine, and obviously I paid for the table, and no it wasn't cheap), 4) my left index finger, perhaps not literally, but I burned it on a pan so badly that I look forward to a very large, very glamorous scar that will almost certainly last for the remainder of my days.

The phone, of course, was the most critical issue at hand, because of course we have evolved to the point where we are completely non-functional without our phones. I had to ask people (!) in person (!!) how to navigate to the AT&T store to get a new phone, and when, upon arriving, I was told that I was welcome to ship my phone off to Apple and await a replacement that could take up to 5 business days (no), I ended up saying fuck it, and upgrading to the newest version - the iPhone 12 ProMax - for basically the same cost as the insurance deductible.

Outdoor Living

The Ten Best Outdoor Decor Finds At Target Right Now

Trust me and buy this, before it's out of stock again.

First, the very best news: My beloved egg chair is back in stock, and you need to own it. I'm serious: It's one of my favorite purchases I've ever made, and for $500 it is surprisingly well-made (it has survived an entire year in my possession and looks more or less new, which speaks VOLUMES). It's also relatively compact for a hanging chair, so it totally works on a smallish patio, just saying.

Scroll down to see the rest of the outdoor decor gloriousness Target is making me covet right now.

Before & After Renovations

(Finally) Fixed It: Truly Hideous Kitchen Floor Before and After

Move-in day; also an excellent approximation of my feelings about my kitchen floor

I hate my kitchen floor. I have hated it from the moment I moved in, when it consisted of paint-splattered linoleum in a shade that could generously be called "vomit." I hated it after I tried to fix it by covering the linoleum with peel-and-stick tiles, which - as it turns out - reallllly aren't the best choice for this large or well-trafficked of a space.

DIY Projects

What To Do With All Those Mugs and Teacups That Have Multiplied In Your House Like Rabbits

I'm currently working on a book about teachers, which means that I am thinking about mugs (a.k.a. the very last thing the teachers in your life want from you) more than the average bear.

I'm not particularly overextended in the mug department myself, but teacups are another story. My mom - like many, many moms out there, apparently - has always collected teacups, and over the years she's passed off a handful to me as "gifts" (a.k.a. "things she has too many of and no room for"). Which means I, too, now have a lot of teacups. Some of them are family heirlooms and belong safely tucked away in my china cabinet, but others are just...teacups. I have no special attachment to them, but they're not the kind of thing you toss in the garbage, you know?

Enter my friend Mollie's grandmother, Shotzy (which, if you're wondering, means "Darling" in German, because of course it does). Shotzy loved having a perfectly matched table, so whenever one of her teacups broke, she passed on the rest of the set to one of her granddaughters.

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