Just A Little Encouragement

DIARY

From WAHM To SAHM…Sort Of

How amaze is my new crafting room?!?!?!?

hahahahahahaha 

As of today, our childcare situation has shifted pretty dramatically. For the past couple of years, we've employed a part-time nanny to watch our daughter in the mornings (while our son is at school), and then occasionally watch both children in the afternoons, whenever my wildly inconsistent work schedule requires. But over the past couple of months we've realized that Goldie is clearly ready for preschool, which means that both kids are now out of the house until early afternoon - and beyond the prohibitive expense of paying for nanny + preschool (nope), I just felt like I could...make this work. Somehow. I can get most, if not all, of my work done in the morning, then pick up the kids and get to have afternoons with them.

DIARY

Our Very Own Superheroes

Us, 2014

I woke up around 1AM on Sunday night and stumbled out towards the living room, where I found Kendrick setting the alarm and  getting ready to come to bed. "Hey," he said. "Why are you up?"

I pointed at our son's closed bedroom door. "I wanted to go lay down with him," I said.

Anxiety

The Most Interesting Thing About Me

jordan reid berkow strauch headshot

My 2005 head shot, which was clearly very serious business.

I know I said yesterday that I wasn't going to publish the post I wrote over on Medium here because I figured many of you have already heard bits and pieces of my "I was fired from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" story, but last night I was laying in my bed, half-reading about the Taylor Swift and Katy Perry drama but mostly thinking about why I'd published an original piece on a site other than my own - which is not something that I typically do; I like to save the best stuff for you guys - and you know what I realized? The real reason I didn't originally want to publish this post here was because the people who read here every day know me. Really, really well. And sometimes it's easier to release the stories that make me feel the most vulnerable into a world populated by strangers rather than writing them on the walls of my home. 

It is humiliating, that some (many?) people think that the most interesting thing about me is the fact that I was once almost on a TV show, and then wasn't. It is embarrassing, explaining to people why the fact that I don't act anymore is a positive thing for me, why I truly, truly wouldn't have it any other way, and watching their foreheads wrinkle in pity anyway. If you are a person who was once an actor - or a musician, or an artist, or a writer, or anything "creative" - in some ways you will always be an ex-actor/musician/writer; that will always be the way you are introduced at a party (the subtext, of course, being that of course you wish you were something other than what you are right now). And so for years, I tried to bend and twist my past into a story that wouldn't make people whisper behind my back once I'd walked away: god, could you even imagine how much that sucks for her?! 

Anxiety

Taking Care

depression and anxiety after having a baby

When there is a string of bad days, I get scared. How much time do I have before everything falls apart? Will I be alone with my daughter when the walls start to crack and crumble, when the roof splits in two, when the sky rushes in to crush me with bad weather?

There is no feeling worse than this: your own children are not safe with you.


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