DIARY

Pieces Of My Life

Skirt | Shoes | Blouse | Sunglasses

Yesterday afternoon, I sat in my lawyer’s office with a huge stack of papers in front of me. I signed, flipped. Signed again. Flipped again. I did this until I’d reached the bottom of the stack, then handed them over, and all of a sudden it hit me:

Wait. I asked her. Was that the thing that people in movies are always refusing to sign and crying about? And usually the person crying and not wanting to sign but signing anyway is played by Diane Keaton?

That’s exactly what it was.

I’d just signed my divorce papers.

I didn’t cry. I just signed and flipped and signed and flipped. And then I left my lawyer’s office and wandered off down the street because it was a nice day and I didn’t have to pick up my kids for another hour or so. I went into a little clothing store and browsed around, not really intending to buy anything, just passing the time, and chatted a bit with the owner of the store about whether the Rothys flats I was wearing really are as great as people say (yes, they are). On my way out, I waved goodbye, and she told me to pick out a pair of fancy underwear from the display that was hanging on the wall, on her. Just because it seemed like I could use a little something to brighten my day.

I took that as a good sign. I picked out a bright blue pair, hugged her, and went on my way.

These photos are another in the series of here-is-a-thing-that-I-own-and-wanted-to-photograph-but-have-nowhere-to-wear. It’s J.Mendel, from TheRealReal, and is officially the nicest thing in my closet. My photographer and I were planning to head over to this mansion near my house and do something all ethereal and glamorous, but there’s no time, so I put it on and twirled around in a pile of boxes instead.

Did I mention I’m moving tomorrow morning?

I’m moving tomorrow morning.

In the morning, I’ll walk the kids to school for the last time (the last time for me, anyway; the kids will stay with Kendrick for another week while I get settled). I’ll hug my friends; say good-bye to the teachers that have helped shape my children’s lives these past few years. I will cry. At 8AM, movers will arrive to pack up our things, and at 11AM I will get in my car with my cats and Lucy, and drive alone down I-5 towards Los Angeles. I’ll arrive at the house I leased using my maiden name, and let myself in with a brand-new key that belongs to no one but me. And then, all of a sudden, I’ll be home. The moving truck won’t get there for another few days, so I’m hitching a little trailer to my car so I can bring along an air mattress and a few things I’ll need to get by. And my plants, of course. I couldn’t leave my plants.

I think I’ll sleep on the living room floor tomorrow night. There’s a fireplace, and a really beautiful view that I think will be nice to wake up to. And then it’ll be the next morning, and then the next day, and the next. I don’t know what’ll happen. But it’ll be something, anyway.

And about this skirt that I have nowhere to wear except standing in a pile of boxes filled with the bits and pieces of my old life?

I think, one day – maybe even one day soon – I’ll put it on again, and have somewhere to go.

Burgundy pleated maxi skirt with chiffon

Photos by Kim Ebbets

  • Maria

    “Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and … they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times.” -Louis CK

    • Some of you people

      Seriously, you’re quoting someone who randomly pulls his dick out on women and then makes rape whistle jokes.as an arbiter of wisdom?

      Plenty of good marriages end in divorce, often life throws situations at people that they just can’t move through. Grief, for example is well know to tear relationships apart.

      • jordanreid

        I don’t have lovely feelings about Louis C.K., but I do think that quote is a great one. (And of COURSE there are extenuating situations, like grief – I just think it’s nice to have a lighter take on these things sometimes.)

        • Cindy

          I am looking at your blog and feeling so bad for you. I am currently making your buca di peppo meatballs. They are heavenly comfort food. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

  • Nora

    Whoa. So…are you gonna talk about how you guys arrived at this conclusion? You were at sort of amicably separated and figuring out what would come next, last readers heard (like a month ago, I think?). It just seems to have gone from trying to have another baby to fully finalized divorce in like, 6 months? I’m not questioning your decision at all. I’m just wondering if you’ll talk about what seems like a big shift from separated-and-we-don’t-know-what-comes-next to not only filing but finalizing a divorce.

    • Soap Opera

      It’s the Ramshackle Revisionist History, you just tweak the story as you go along.

      • Beffgus

        Fuck off, you have no idea what’s going on in her life.

    • jordanreid

      Yeah, a month ago we were. A LOT has happened since then, and a lot of it has been stuff I haven’t been able to talk about while it’s going on (because we were dealing within the court system). The short story is that we were going along under a set of certain expectations (selling the house, me moving with the kids, him likely moving shortly thereafter) that were then very quickly – and with zero warning to me – upended, putting me in a situation where I was living in a house that was in escrow and no other home to go to. Which was, frankly, terrifying, and not a situation I ever expected someone to put me in. So. I want to give this situation some breathing room (and get myself in a better, calmer headspace) before I get into the details, but it’s been bad. And I never want to use this platform to speak ill of anyone – let alone the father of my children – but suffice it to say that the choices that have been made these past few weeks have been frankly devastating, and nothing I saw coming.

      • Jenn

        I’m so sorry Jordan. You will all get through this.

  • Gina Linetti

    Here’s the thing about sharing on the internet – you get to choose what you share, and your privacy is definitely still yours. No one can demand that you share more than you feel ready to. But the harder part is when we as readers see you putting all this out there, like you’re separated, then moving, then all of a sudden actually divorced. And we can’t help but wonder – why so fast?? Of course that is your private business, but you are writing this for us to read, so I think that question isn’t too outlandish when on our end, it seems that things have gone from zero to 60.

    That being said – I’m sorry for the hurt you’re feeling and I hope you do get to enjoy your new home and feel positive about it <3

    • LGF

      +1. Still thinking of you and sending good vibes- just feeling a bit whiplashes in the timing/narrative

    • KB

      I feel a lot of this. I think laying all this out for her readers is the last thing Jordan wants to do right now. That’s completely fair. But I do hope that a few months down the line, or however long it takes, she’ll share what she learned, at least in the abstract. Having this kind of platform to share “ordinary” (and at the same time, completely explosive and life-altering) things like going through a divorce is a responsibility and privilege, and I think Jordan will ultimately use it well.

      • jordanreid

        Yes – see what I said above. These past few weeks have indeed been a whiplash situation, with lawyers and hearings and motions and full-stop misery. I need some breathing room in order to get in a calm, clear headspace where I’ll be able to talk about this with some perspective.

        • Gina Linetti

          Appreciate the insight! Hope that you get the closure you need and healing can begin. All the best to you.

  • jbro

    You sound strong and optimistic and I am excited about your move to LA and where you life will take you. I am sure you’ll get a chance to wear all your best clothes. xo

  • Luisa

    You have a mountain on your shoulders. Just get through tomorrow. I will be sending you good energy from NY. xoxo

  • Emily

    Those poor kids.

    • jordanreid

      my kids are doing PHENOMENALLY. I’m sure this is all very odd to them, but they are resilient as hell, and they are both of our priority. we’re keeping them informed as to all the who-where-when details, and they are nervous (as you’d expect anyone to be), but excited. also they are going to have a trampoline in their new place, so…that 🙂

  • Lauren Larkin

    Oh dang big things! As hard as letting go of something as big as a marriage is, I hope someday (or now) you feel excited and unencumbered as you move forward. Also you don’t owe anyone here shit regarding a detailed explanation of your decision making or like your giving readers “whiplash.” This is none of anyone’s business unless you choose to share it with us. I’m sure you know that, but reading some of the comments here is bizarre to me.

    • jordanreid

      …did I mention that my lawyer and I are pitching a book to coauthor? happening.

      • Lauren Larkin

        !!!! :))

  • Kim

    Many good thoughts your way <3 this too shall pass. One day all of the chaos and uncertainty that you must be feeling now will be long gone and you’ll just think to yourself, how in the EFF did I get thru that and come out on the other side ?! But of course you will my friend, all the wiser and more seasoned as well. You now are on to happier times.

  • Leah Cook

    Just speaking up to say I have been reading RG since before you had Indy and while I don’t really know you at all other than that, I love you as much as a total stranger can and am sending you good universe vibes and many virtual hugs from the other side of the country. I hope your move goes as smoothly as possible and that you enjoy your new only-yours home. 💙💙💙

    • jordanreid

      <3 <3 thank you, leah.

  • Jenna

    What happened to http://www.influencerwrangler.com? Are you not pursuing this anymore?

    • jordanreid

      I am! I just switched over to jordanreid.com 🙂 🙂

  • Olivia

    Love you lady. You’re a rock.

  • Heather

    Sending so many positive vibes your way! Also, I hope your kitties aren’t as annoying in the car as my cat is (he whines/yowls like he’s being tortured, it’s …. not great).

    • jordanreid

      oh, they’re the WORST. it’s going to be interesting.

  • Bex

    Wow. My head is spinning just reading all this – I can’t imagine how much your head is spinning. All the love and good vibes.

    (And what happened to Indy/Pan????)

    • jordanreid

      he fell – he was with kendrick, so I don’t know exactly, but it’s a small fracture and his cast is already off (just the sling for now).

  • Mary

    Wishing you all the happiness and joy in this new start and new beginnings. I got choked up reading this post. I don’t even know you (even though we share a corner of a fence) but I’ll miss the sounds of your children swimming in the backyard and your CAT. I’ll miss that cat that comes to visit every once in awhile. My son and I would play with him and pet him and we will miss his visits. Best wishes and lots of love and laughter and joy to you on this fresh start and journey. A whole lifetime is ahead of you.

  • sara watson

    My parents were super friendly after they divorced. We spent 3 weeks together all four of us each summer, every Christmas and birthday etc. Years later I asked my mother how they had managed to be so graceful and prioritise us so much after what was a very sad split and my mother said:”It was so hard those first two years. I’m glad you didn’t notice.” And we hadn’t. This to say that your kids will most likely remember the happy times you still have down the line and not the really difficult stuff. Hope this helps.

  • Melodie

    How exciting!!! you are beautiful and you have the so much in front of you! Best of luck in your next transition in life Jordan. Keep taking us with you

  • yakoub abaya

    is there more info to it ?
    why you got divorced and how things came to this ?

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