Everything I Know About Selling and Buying Houses

(Almost) ready to go.

Here is why I think I am at least marginally qualified to put up a post about everything you need to know in order to buy or sell a house: Because as home-selling and home-buying processes go, I have been through it.

We’re talking transcontinental trips involving viral gastroenteritis, hospital trips, and 19-hour plane delays. Bidding wars that we lost, and lost again, and then lost again and again and again. Last-minute sale cancellations that took place in front of an extremely large group of colleagues and/or actual people who were paying me to be a professional-type human being, many of whom thought that I had actually died because of the sound I made. Total, I-cannot-do-this-anymore, full-body-and-brain paralysis.

Like I said: When it comes to real estate, if it can be gone through, I have gone through it.

And so I present to you: Everything – and I do mean everything – I know on this topic.



How To Figure Out How Much House You Can Afford

As with everything in life, there is a short answer to this question, and also a more nuanced one, and also a much, much more nuanced one. Let’s start at the beginning.


How To Buy Your Very First Home

When I started out I knew literally not one single thing about how one goes about buying their first home, and now I know…kind of a lot, actually. And I think it’s a valuable thing to hear about how it works from someone who, for better or for worse, is just a normal person trying to figure out how to do this so-called “normal” thing.

So: here’s how it went down for us, and what we learned along the way.


How To Sell Your House (Or: How I Sold My House Without Going Insane)

I was dreading the idea of dealing with this process. Partially because I was so emotional about our house and I knew it would be hard handing it over to someone else, but mostly because the idea of keeping my place in show-able (read: perfect) shape with two children and two dogs for months on end (forget about the logistics of getting those children and dogs out the door every time someone wanted to take a peek) sounded…miserable.

And so I decided, hell, let’s get an A+ on this paper, and applied each and every one of my ordinarily-irritating-but-in-this-case-quite-helpful Type A tendencies to the task of selling this house in five seconds flat.



In about five seconds flat.


How To Stage Your House For Sale (Video)

There are some things that I am bad at, and some things that I am good at.

Staging a house?

This, I am GREAT at. Please allow me to explain.


How To Move All Your Crap

When choosing a moving company, of course, the most important point to consider is this: Will you be given the opportunity to do gymnastics inside the empty trailer before you begin the packing process? If the answer is “yes,” you have a winner.


How To Pack Up Your House (Video)

I know this may not sound like an especially noteworthy talent, but both Kendrick and my mother, upon seeing me attack a box with a roll of tape, said something to the effect of, “Whoa. You’re pretty efficient there” (or, to be more precise, Kendrick said “Holy s–t, what are you doing to that box?”).

You guys, I am a really good taper. I think I may have found my calling.


All Those Not-So-Small Logistical Issues

How to decide whether to rent or buy? What size house do you need (and what size can you afford)? How in God’s name does one figure out what school districts are good? And what other elements should you look for when making a purchase that will likely require the handing-over of virtually every penny you have ever saved in your entire life?

I’ve got answers to all of these questions (and more).


One Last Thing

Just a reminder: They say “it always turns out for the best.”

And they are right.

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