What To Do: When You’re Newly Separated and Your Husband Has the Kids


Remember the other week, when Kendrick had the kids and I was all I have no idea what to doooooo? Well, he had the kids again this weekend, and I went ahead and figured that one out.

So, because these are the big questions in life, here is what to do if you have found yourself newly separated, and do not have your kids for a bit. (I put in step-by-step format, because I consider everything here to be essential.)

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Go to yoga. Twice. Definitely wear your rainbow pants.

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Afterwards, go to a bookstore. Buy all the books you’ve been wanting to read, and then sit yourself down right there in the bookstore and read one. For as long as you want.

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Go home and read some more, because you can.

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Drive over to the mall and finally get prescription lenses for your sunglasses, because when the hell else are you going to have time to sit in LensCrafters for an hour?

Eat sushi by yourself. (Take a discreet/terrible photograph, obviously.)

go see a movie by yourself

Go to a movie that is not rated PG and does not have any cartoon characters in it. Be sure to go to one of those theaters where they basically give you a fully reclining personal couch (with self-heating seats!). Buy popcorn that you do not have to share. Put extra butter on it. Eat it all.

what to do when you're newly separated and your husband has the kids

Allow your girlfriends to convince you to go out to dinner. Wear heels, because you (probably) won’t end up carrying anyone around on one hip.

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Definitely go somewhere that has “biscuits, bacon and butter” as a menu item.

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Feel loved, and happy, and peaceful.

Know that said peace is oh, so fleeting, and so enjoy it all the more.

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