DIARY

Just Because

The duct tape that saved the day.

I thought I’d emerge from this camping trip with some profound words of wisdom. Woman of the Woods, So Independent, WE CAN DO IT, etc etc.

And I do feel pretty…if not badass, certainly something approaching it.

(OK, I feel pretty cool. Go check out my IG stories if you haven’t seen them yet; they involve spending two hours armed with a 4-inch-tall LED lantern, all ready to battle the beast that started stalking around outside our tent at 3AM one morning.)

I mean, we had fun. We got as dirty as humanly possible (did you know that Fiber Fix leaves a very attractive black layer that looks exactly like mud on human hands, and then does not come off for three days (and counting)? True story). We ate with our hands, and blasted Michael Jackson, and stayed up too late. The kids huddled under my cot in their “hideout,” and ferried Tostitos up to their “neighbor” (me) while I read almost an entire book (!). We built fires from scratch (had to Google that one), had scavenger hunts for “funny bugs” and “creepy bugs,” and found a little shop in town selling crystals. I taught my son how to use a pendulum and let him buy a little gold Hamsa hand.

It was great. It really was. And it wasn’t even that hard (aside from the set up and break down, oh my goddd).

But just because I could do it alone doesn’t mean I wanted to.

And just because it was fun doesn’t mean that it didn’t break my heart.

(Last two photos by my son.)

  • m

    Oh, Jordan. This breaks my heart for you too…

  • Sarah

    Me too, for you and them.

  • Staci Lawrence

    I think I’m missing something based on the below comments, so I just want to offer my love, strength, admiration, and support to you. You’re a warrior. No matter what it is that is breaking your heart. xo

  • Tara Starwalt

    I LOVE what you are teaching the kids through all of this: things don’t always go the way you want them to, but you CAN and SHOULD and WILL pick up the pieces, straighten your tie and get on with the getting on.

  • Cate

    This made me cry, and cry, and cry some more. Not from pity – I am terribly sorry about what you are going through but I think you are strong and badass and deserving of sympathy and support and empathy but in no way pitiful – but just from it resonating so hard with me. I am single, and about your age, and while my day to day is WONDERFUL I do want to find my person, and create something together. And I feel like there is no way to express this without sounding….desperate. Pitiful. And reading this reminded me so hard that it’s not. That it’s ok to want things that aren’t happening for whatever reason. To be happy and sad at the same time (cue the Kacey Musgraves). Anyway, thank you so much, for being you and for being honest through the good and the bad.

powered by chloédigital