Lifestyle

Gift Ideas For White Elephant Parties

OK, last gift guide, promise. (This one was too much fun.)

I went to my very first White Elephant party two Christmases ago. I had no idea what a White Elephant party even was, and when the hostess explained that everyone brings a (usually semi-weird or offbeat) wrapped gift to contribute to a common pool, and then you all take turns selecting (and stealing) each other’s gift, I was all “okayyyyy…I guess I’ll bring a…selfie stick?” <facepalm>

Do not bring a selfie stick. A selfie stick is the actual lamest thing that you can bring to a White Elephant party. The below ideas are better.

(Official White Elephant rules are here, if you’re throwing one or attending one and need a refresher.)

1/11

Taco Cat Pillow

I want this.

Anyone with a cat wants this.

Someone at your White Elephant party will have a cat.

2/11

Carry-On Cocktail Kit

Holiday travel is miserable. This cocktail kit might make things (slightly) better.

3/11

Oil Slick Magic 8 Ball

Best desk accessory ever.

4/11

"Everyday I'm Hustlin'" Nameplate

…Second only, perhaps, to this.

5/11

Giant Playing Cards

I don’t know why; I just think these are really fun. And less likely to be lost by my children, which is what has happened to half the cards in my normal-sized deck.

6/11

Adorable Cat Nightlight

This is a nightlight. It is clearly intended for children.

I don’t care; it’s adorable.

7/11

Wrinkles, Schminkles Decolletage Pads

“Merry Christmas, you have wrinkly boobs!”

(Seriously, though, nooooobody pays attention to this part of their body and everybody really needs to because an aging chest is nobody’s friend.)

8/11

Fascia Blaster Nugget

This little guy gets in all the best spots (use it on pressure points or to break up “chunky fascia-bound areas” – and I am aware that sounds SO GROSS…but oh mannnn it’s so good).

9/11

STD-Themed Stuffed Animals

Aw!

(This set from GIANTmicrobes is called “Tainted Love,” FYI.)

10/11

"Another Please" Bell

When it comes to cocktails, subtlety is overrated.

11/11

A Joint and Breakfast

Last year, I was the last person at the party to pick from the gift pile, and I opened the intensely boring-looking brown paper bag to find, yes, a joint and breakfast (eggs, bacon, and orange juice) for the next morning.

This was obviously the most amazing White Elephant gift ever, and was promptly stolen from me by the very first person who had picked a gift from the pile, which is apparently allowed.

DAMN YOU, WHITE ELEPHANT RULES.

  • m

    I dont understand the last one. Is it really.. a joint of weed? and breakfast?

    • jordanreid

      yes. a joint of weed. (legal! California!)
      and breakfast.