If you are currently trying to reach me via phone or text, please watch the above video and you will understand why you cannot.
So, okay, I lost the worst thing a person living in the modern era can lose. But oh, that is not all. I have lost other things – so, so many other things – over the past couple of days.
Here are some (but not all, oh no) of the personal possessions that I currently cannot locate.
- My hairbrush. Which wouldn’t be a big deal because I’ve been staying at Erin’s place, and Erin is female and has hair. Except Erin doesn’t own a hairbrush. She also doesn’t own a blowdryer. (Update: It turns out she does own a blowdryer. Sort of. She and her husband co-own an ancient ConAir device that circulates air in a general outwards direction, and that they bought to use on an art project once. This does not count. Related: Erin and I are different types of humans, which is a good thing when you’re writing a book together, and a bad thing when you are me and need a hairbrush.)
- My foundation. Which also wouldn’t be a big deal, except thanks to my newly-developed ADULT HORMONAL ACNE (mmmmhmmmm), I need it.
- My shoes. While it’s certainly annoying to have lost my shoes (because they’re the only pair of flats I brought), it wouldn’t be that bizarre. Except? I lost them while wearing them. (I got into Erin’s car wearing them, took them off for the duration of the ride, and arrived at our destination only to discover that they were gone. What? Look under the car seat, you say? THANKS I HADN’T THOUGHT OF THAT.)
- My iPad. (Calm down, Kendrick. I found it.*)
*About 24 hours after I needed it to keep my daughter from not perching on my lap and trying to pull off my dress while I was in the middle of a public speaking engagement.