OK, we need to talk about a few things. They have nothing whatsoever to do with each other, but all are, I think, pretty crucial.
First, did you know that it’s a really bad idea to have an at-home massage when your home is also home to some children? I finally booked a series with a massage therapist in an effort to deal with my neck issues (and as a lead-up to a visit with a chiropractor), and the only way I could fit appointments into my schedule was to have her come to the house. I then convinced myself that if I turned on Moana my children would sit in rapt silence for the entirety of the movie, as they do whenever I put it on and then ask them to do anything at all, like set the table or answer the very simplest of questions. Turns out that all I have to do to lure them away from “How Far I’ll Go” is do something for myself, because they discovered that opening my door and yelling “WHAT YOU DOING, MAMA?” in my ear over and over and over and over and over was wayyyyy more entertaining than the movie about three minutes in.
Second, my friend Alisa told me about an app called the 7-Minute Workout, and now I am officially labeling myself A Person Who Works Out. (For seven minutes, but let’s not be picky, hmm?) I kiiiiind of love it, largely because I can do it while watching Stephen Colbert.
Third, I just got a “deep cleaning” at the dentist. Do you know what a deep cleaning is? Does everyone in the world know about this uniquely horrifying procedure except for me? I do not ever recall my former dentist suggesting that he physically lift up my gum line and dig underneath it with a pickaxe. I feel that this would have been a highly salient conversation, and that I would have stuck it right where it belongs, in my long-term memory under the heading Do Not Do These Things. (If you’re not already passing out at the thought of your gums being separated from your teeth and feel the need to know more about this: a deep cleaning is done when plaque gets under the gums and forms hard capsules called tartars; in a deep cleaning they numb your gums with some gel – although laughing gas or hard drugs would be much more useful IMO – and then go about 6mm underneath them to whack them out. With a pickaxe.)
And finally, here is another thing that I have to assume everyone knows but me, but in case you don’t know it I’m going to leave it here. You know how when you tap on your phone’s screen when you’re taking a photo that little box pops up and helps you focus on your subject? Well, if you then slide your finger up and down on the screen you can brighten or darken the photograph. WHAT. My Instagram-filtration needs just plummeted by about 70%.
That’s it. If you have any completely random information to share, please feel free to join the party in the comments.
