“…That’s What We’re Going To Eat?”

Hudson Valley | NY

Shit Could Be Worse cocktail tray | Annoyingly pretty rabbit food

You’ve heard the term “ungrateful houseguest”? Apparently when you’re staying at someone’s house and they present you with a lovely breakfast that they created just for you, you are not supposed to recoil in mild horror.

In my defense, the breakfast Erin made me this morning had something called “groat” in it, which should go into the Hall Of Fame For Poorly-Named Foods. It also contained uncooked oatmeal and raisins.

I hate raisins.

There was no way that a bowl of food that actually did, in every way, resemble something you would feed to a marsupial with a brain the size of a halved walnut was going to taste good.

…And yet? It did. Which makes no sense at all.

No but seriously: what is up with this “healthy things sometimes taste good” BS? Because said recently-discovered information (which I am going to refer to as “supposition” at this point in time due to the fact that far more research must be completed before I allow that it may, indeed, be accurate) flies in the face of virtually every aspect of my food-related upbringing. I mean, my mother spent years – nay*, decades –  working to convince me that a solid, balanced meal consists of a cheeseburger and a milkshake (or a hamburger and a chocolate egg cream, for something a touch lighter). Now, I’m not going to say that Erin’s uncooked oatmeal-thing is as good as a hamburger and a milkshake – or a McDonald’s egg-and-cheese biscuit, for that matter, because there is nothing on this planet superior to a McDonald’s egg-and-cheese biscuit – but apparently instead of a week’s worth of saturated fat this breakfast has about a year’s worth of fiber and omega-3s. And no added sugar. And so on balance it’s basically ambrosia.

And as much as I want to tell you it tastes like that stuff that they use to patch wall-holes, once you let the almond milk soak in a bit it tastes actually…kind of…great.

Damn it, Erin. First the you convince me that it’s a good idea to eat something called “heritage grains” topped with bok choy and eggs, and now this.

*Breakfast, cold-brew coffee, and now I get to use the word “nay” in a blog post. So far today’s pretty good.

Homemade cold cereal breakfast bowl with berries


What You Need:

  • 1/3 cup uncooked whole rolled oats
  • 1 tsp buckwheat groat (or kasha)
  • 1 tbsp unsweetened flake coconut
  • 1 tsp raw shelled hemp seeds
  • 1 tbsp raisins
  • A handful of raspberries
  • 2 sliced strawberries
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
  • Space in your brain for where your eyes are going to roll back into when you realize just how very much like this lady you are right now.

What You Do:

  1. Combine all dry ingredients in bowl.
  2. Pour over almond milk, and sprinkle lightly with sea salt.

Apparently you can also add a spoonful of peanut butter, and that’s good too. (Not for me, thanks: I’m quite happy over here with my unadorned bowl of groats.)

Homemade cold cereal breakfast bowl with berries


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