If I Ever Enter A Talent Competition

If I Ever Enter A Talent Competition

What I’m going to do for my talent is remove stains.

Oh, I’m serious.

See the picture above? That’s the carpet at my aunt’s house, and about ten minutes before that photo was taken my darling child sent an entire glass of red wine careening onto that very spot.

And did I panic?

I did not!

Because one of the things in life that I truly excel at is stain removal. That may sound like a not-so-exciting talent to have, but next time you’re at a party and some drunk dude pours a bottle of wine down your front, you are going to wish I was there to rip your shirt off and return it to you sparkling and new.

Getting a stain out of a carpet is obviously a little different from getting a stain out of a shirt, but the basic elements remain the same: Saturate with water, spray soap on generously (I used Resolve to handle this baby, but the kind that you use matters much less than the speed with which you get it on there), and immediately rub a big wad of damp, decently thick paper towels (or a rag) against the stained area. Repeat with soap, water, and towels until the stain is gone.

Call a procession line into action if necessary, ferrying wet handfuls of paper towels back and forth.

Yell at people.

Do what you gotta do, because the very most important thing is that all of this has to happen immediately if you’re going to get the stain out.

(Click here to learn how to be a speed demon and a renegade with those stained shirts of yours.)

Scroll To Top