Today’s Life Lesson

Do not drink coffee in a fully horizontal reclining position while wearing your husband’s Little League jersey.

Just don’t do it.

But if you do, and the obvious result should happen to occur (oops), all is not lost!

Did you know I happen to be something of an expert at stain removal? It’s true; I am a total, full-on wizard with this stuff. (I posted the photo at left two years ago, when I spilled an entire container of bronzer onto a pair of snow-white jeans moments before heading out to my very first fashion show. And do those jeans look bronzed to you? They do not.)

OK, so let’s talk completely unscientific stain removal methods. What you have to do is be a speed demon and a renegade, and get that shirt or pair of pants off of your body and over to the sink immediately. This is easier when you’re home alone and can get naked with no worries, but I’ve been known to strip down friends who’ve doused themselves in red wine at parties to save their shirts (nothing I haven’t seen before, guys). And I have saved them every time, like a little blonde Stain-Removing Superhero.

My technique is simple, but effective: soak the stained area in water, throw on a little of whatever soap is handy (hand soap and dish soap are totally fine; what you use is less important than that you use it quickly), and rub the fabric against itself to remove the stain before rinsing the area. If the spot isn’t totally gone, just do it again. And then again. Persistence is key.

It’s not rocket science, but I swear, it works every time. And also probably isn’t recommended for certain fabrics (like…silk), but you know what? I’d rather take my chances and get the coffee (or whatever) out than get all fussy about the fabric and end up with a permanently stained top. Also, this is why I don’t buy fancy fabrics. Silk is the enemy of we fumble-fingered types.

And that concludes today’s Ramshackle Glam Life Lesson.

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